Bathing With One Eye Open
After getting my son off to work, I sat down and checked my Facebook, like I usually do every morning. It takes me a few minutes to scroll through, as I only have a few friends. I enjoy reading first post of the day, pregnancy announcements, births, and sadly sometimes death announcements. I particularly enjoy the ones that make me laugh, animal, and children videos, or funny quotes. It's a good way for me to see what's going on in the lives of my friends and family.
I have however noticed a trend lately on my Facebook that is annoying me beyond reason. Posts about husbands, who evidently aren't cutting the mustard. I understand that we all get frustrated, with our spouse, but I don't want my friends and family reading about it on a daily basis. In the past few weeks, I swear most of the posts coming through my news feed are complaints from women, how their husbands aren't emotionally in tuned with them, they don't tell them they love them enough, buy them flowers, or run a candlelit bubble bath with their favourite music, no kids bugging them and bon bon in a bowl on the edge of the tub. Seriously? If I walked into my bathroom and saw a freshly drawn bubble bath with all of those luxuries waiting for me, thanks to my husband, I would be highly suspicious. I would think my husband was plotting to drown me, or for the insurance money.
My husband, I love him, but he is pragmatic, not romantic. If I asked him to do it, he would, but he wouldn't think to do it. I understand this, and I'm OK with this knowledge. We have an understanding, my husband and I. It's an unwritten one, and it's been in effect since our first year of marriage. We had planned to go out and meet friends for dinner and a fun night out. However, my husband, is the consummate social butterfly, (a.k.a. chatterbox). He stayed at work, not to work but chat to men he just spent the past eight hours with! He was just getting home when we were supposed to be leaving. He still needed a shower, and get dressed. I went to call our friends to tell them we would meet them at the restaurant. I already had my husbands clothes out on the bed. I opened the bathroom door to see how close he was to being out, and dried off. I was stunned when I opened the door. Not because my husband was out of the shower, no, my husband wasn't out of the shower, he was laying back in a tub full of bubbles, a beer on the side of the tub, eyes closed, totally relaxed!
I thought I was seeing things. Let's just say my husbands eyes snapped open very quickly when I shrieked. I was furious. He showered the bubbles off and stepped out of the tub. At that point, he knew I was angry with him. I detest being late, especially when someone is talking to someone they see everyday.
We met our friends, ate dinner, and we were out bowling afterwards. Everyone was enjoying themselves, and it was at that point I said to our friends "Do you know C**d blow dries his hair while he is bathing?" Our friends looked at me and immediately stopped talking. My husbands head swung around faster than Linda Blair's in The Exorcist. Our friends looked at my husband and chastised him for being so foolish.
Later that night as we were getting ready for bed, my husband asked me why I said he blow dried his hair in the tub. I told him, very calmly that I was creating an alibi. I said "Every time we are late because of you, I will tell our friends and family the same thing." He rubbed his chin and asked me "Why?" "Because," I said "One day, you will push me beyond my limits, and when you do, I will throw the blow dryer into the tub when you are in there. That way when the police investigate, I can tell them you had a habit of drying your hair while bathing, and because of all of the years of putting that idea into our friends and families heads, they too will say "Yes, it's true, he's been doing it for years, even after we warned him of the dangers. So" I explained, "Don't give me a reason to do that."
It's been almost twenty seven years, and many admissions of blow dryer/bath foolishness. It's common knowledge now. We laugh about it, or at least I do.
So ladies, when your husband doesn't buy you flowers, buy your own and get what you like. If he doesn't rub your feet, go get a pedicure instead, and be thankful he doesn't draw you a romantic bubble bath! Who knows who he has been telling what!
I have however noticed a trend lately on my Facebook that is annoying me beyond reason. Posts about husbands, who evidently aren't cutting the mustard. I understand that we all get frustrated, with our spouse, but I don't want my friends and family reading about it on a daily basis. In the past few weeks, I swear most of the posts coming through my news feed are complaints from women, how their husbands aren't emotionally in tuned with them, they don't tell them they love them enough, buy them flowers, or run a candlelit bubble bath with their favourite music, no kids bugging them and bon bon in a bowl on the edge of the tub. Seriously? If I walked into my bathroom and saw a freshly drawn bubble bath with all of those luxuries waiting for me, thanks to my husband, I would be highly suspicious. I would think my husband was plotting to drown me, or for the insurance money.
My husband, I love him, but he is pragmatic, not romantic. If I asked him to do it, he would, but he wouldn't think to do it. I understand this, and I'm OK with this knowledge. We have an understanding, my husband and I. It's an unwritten one, and it's been in effect since our first year of marriage. We had planned to go out and meet friends for dinner and a fun night out. However, my husband, is the consummate social butterfly, (a.k.a. chatterbox). He stayed at work, not to work but chat to men he just spent the past eight hours with! He was just getting home when we were supposed to be leaving. He still needed a shower, and get dressed. I went to call our friends to tell them we would meet them at the restaurant. I already had my husbands clothes out on the bed. I opened the bathroom door to see how close he was to being out, and dried off. I was stunned when I opened the door. Not because my husband was out of the shower, no, my husband wasn't out of the shower, he was laying back in a tub full of bubbles, a beer on the side of the tub, eyes closed, totally relaxed!
I thought I was seeing things. Let's just say my husbands eyes snapped open very quickly when I shrieked. I was furious. He showered the bubbles off and stepped out of the tub. At that point, he knew I was angry with him. I detest being late, especially when someone is talking to someone they see everyday.
We met our friends, ate dinner, and we were out bowling afterwards. Everyone was enjoying themselves, and it was at that point I said to our friends "Do you know C**d blow dries his hair while he is bathing?" Our friends looked at me and immediately stopped talking. My husbands head swung around faster than Linda Blair's in The Exorcist. Our friends looked at my husband and chastised him for being so foolish.
Later that night as we were getting ready for bed, my husband asked me why I said he blow dried his hair in the tub. I told him, very calmly that I was creating an alibi. I said "Every time we are late because of you, I will tell our friends and family the same thing." He rubbed his chin and asked me "Why?" "Because," I said "One day, you will push me beyond my limits, and when you do, I will throw the blow dryer into the tub when you are in there. That way when the police investigate, I can tell them you had a habit of drying your hair while bathing, and because of all of the years of putting that idea into our friends and families heads, they too will say "Yes, it's true, he's been doing it for years, even after we warned him of the dangers. So" I explained, "Don't give me a reason to do that."
It's been almost twenty seven years, and many admissions of blow dryer/bath foolishness. It's common knowledge now. We laugh about it, or at least I do.
So ladies, when your husband doesn't buy you flowers, buy your own and get what you like. If he doesn't rub your feet, go get a pedicure instead, and be thankful he doesn't draw you a romantic bubble bath! Who knows who he has been telling what!
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