A Night at a the Irish Opera

     Last night, after a very long, long weekend, my washing machine decided to go on an unscheduled  vacation.  In the middle of a load, my son's gritty construction clothes were submerged in a tar like soapy water mixture. Not at all pleasing to behold or smell.  Thinking the load was unbalanced I moved the slimy load around, closed the lid and...nothing.  Hmmm I then began removing articles of clothes and dropping them into the laundry tub.  A plopping, splatting like noise accompanied by black splash drops flew all over the wall and me.  I assumed something had wrapped itself around the agitator thing in the middle of the machine.  There was nothing.  I closed the lid again and played with the dial...still nothing.  No beating of the agitator, no whirring of the spin cycle.  Only a slight humming which I don't recall ever hearing before.  I saw the irony in my situation - there was no agitation in my washing machine but I sure had plenty to spare.  It was after ten pm and I knew these clothes needed to be washed and dried by the morning.  I yelled at my husband to come down and look at my sick machine.  He tried the same things I did.  He unplugged and plugged it in again.  He closed the lid and said "I don't know what's wrong".  He then went back upstairs to continue watching the Raptors game.  Left to despair on my own I went in search for my mom's old washboard.  Aha!  I found it in my laundry cupboard.  I only needed to wash a pair of pants, one shirt and a pair of socks.  I could do it.  My grandmother raised eleven children with nothing more than a washboard so this small load would be a walk in the park!  WRONG!!!  First of all my grandma used lye cake soap with her washboard.  I had Tide Pods.  I grabbed one and squeezed.  Nothing.  I squeezed harder, still nothing.  I grabbed some scissors and began to poke a hole in it.  Word of warning ***Don't do that*** Apparently they are under pressure and they shoot out at the speed of light!  Not to mention each pod has individual sections that need to be popped too.  This could be a very long process.  So, I ran the pod in water, after all they dissolve in water...right?  Yes they do, but not before they become extremely slimy and the pod slides out of your hand every three seconds.  Scrapping the laundry pod I went upstairs and opened my husbands bar of Irish Spring.  The luck of the Irish sure couldn't hurt at this point!  I managed to scrub jeans a shirt and a pair of socks with the wash board and soap.  My fingers cramped and I scrubbed the skin off my knuckles.  I got everything into the dryer with a couple of dry towels to help soak up excess moisture.  It took me an hour.  I went upstairs and caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror.  I looked a sight!  Gray spots all over my face and my hair was wet and slimy.  I had new respect for my grandma and all women from her time!  Repair man comes Thursday and I am off to the laundromat today.  No more washboard for me.  My son didn't notice the heady aroma permeating from his clothes this morning or my scabby knuckles for that matter; but I do wonder if at some point today he has an overwhelming desire
to sing Irish folk songs.  Enjoy your day!