My Life by Morgan Freeman

Life. It seems to be going tickety boo and smooth then BAM! All of a sudden, that smooth as silk highway turns into a gravel, washboard road.  Nobody is immune to these trials of life, nobody gets out completely unscathed.  I imagine Morgan Freeman narrating the story of my life. I love his style.  It begins with the sun rising over my house, the early morning mist begins to lift, birds are singing and I open my back door.  Morgan Freeman begins his narrative..."And this middle aged, pudgy specimen of humanity begins her day by foraging in her back yard.  She reaches for something under a garden bench. It's a bag of bird seed. As she walks to her feeders the birds can sense the impending food. They stop their singing and their voices turn to a loud shrill type chirp. They begin to flit from one branch to another, knowing their meal is in reach.  As the female human nears her destination, the birds become a mob, they begin to frantically flap their wings.  Overcome by these fiendish fowl, the pudgy human spills most of the seed. Seeing their chance, they dive to the ground, a mass of feathers and chirping. The female human emerges from the heap of birds...she has survived, with nothing more than wits and pure bravery.  She shakes her head and pulls small feathers out of her hair and mouth.  She is walking back toward her house. Is she seeking refuge?  Safety from these feathered beasts? No!  Once again she is reaching for something. It's a hose! This female human, is clearly showing she is not of superior intelligence, however what she lacks in brain capacity she makes up for in moxy". The concerto playing behind Morgan Freeman has reached its peak with sharp, jabbing violin strokes.  Freeman continues his narrative. "The female human pulls the long hose back towards the direction of the birds. They don't seem to notice her approach. 
They are still focused on eating. She pushes the trigger on the hose and is immediately  assaulted with cold water being ejected from the house bouncing off a garden stone.  Shocked and shaken she shakes herself off and continues flooding the old water receptacle  with fresh water. The birds have become wise. They begin flapping their wings once more. The female human oblivious to her surroundings continues with her dutiful job of filling the bird bath. The birds now work as one unit, their wings stirring up a storm of seeds and dust in the heavy, wet air. The female human senses danger ( Que the orchestra again) She drops the hose and runs, fear in her eyes, terror all over her face as she reaches the door to her house. She is safe."  Morgan Freeman speaks softly now. "The female human has survived another morning and there is still another 16 hours remaining before she closes her eyes to sleep. Humans are indeed resilient to the outside wildlife that surrounds them"  The squirrels and chipmunks have been watching, waiting biding their time.  They know their time is coming, not today and maybe not tomorrow. So they wait. The pudgy female human will be no match!