Dancing in my Garden of Course!

     I am terifled of spiders and I know I am not alone.  The term is arachnophobia , I call it creepy bug with 8 little legs and beady eyes wise!  I knew I would come across them yesterday, it was inevitable.  I was weeding the front gardens.  I understand spiders are good for my garden, I just don't want to see them.  So, bracing myself, I hunkered down in the first garden, tugging and pulling those wretched weeds that had quickly overcome my garden.  It was thick and I wouldn't have been the slightest bit surprised if I had found some old Japanese soldiers hiding in there because they didn't know the war was over.  Continuing my job, and planning out my flower placement in my head, I did see a few of these creeping creatures.  They seemed to be running away from me, which made this job a whole lot easier!  Filling my first bin, I felt a wave of accomplishment.  I guess it wasn't so bad, even though I swear some of those weeds had roots a foot long!  Finishing the first garden, I stood back and admired my work.  There really was dirt in there!  I was beginning to wonder if a little tropical rain forest had replaced my garden thanks to all the humid temperatures last week.  Sighing, I grabbed the next bin.  My middle flower garden is fairly large.  Long and deep with some very nice large rocks that my husband and I picked from a farmers field last year.  They give the garden interest I think.  We also have an old rusted axle with 2 wheels in there too.  It looks really great with lush flowers against it.  Carefully, I positioned myself in between the rocks and axle and began my job of pulling weeds.  I don't wear gloves, I can't seem to grab the weeds very well and I am always doing more work.  Deciding gloves were redundant, I chose my bare hands.  I always liked the feel of the warm earth under my fingers.  Pull, tug, grab, I made a rap song with a beat and all the sounds that go with it.  I hate rap, I seriously needed to get a grip!  Unsure if delerium had taken over, maybe one of these weeds were toxic in some way.  Deciding I was NOT being poisoned by these noxious weeds, I don't think I have ever heard that creating rap songs in your head, as being a symptom of accidental plant poisoning.  I conciously began humming David Bowie's Let's Dance  in my head, this was much better as I continued to toil in weeds.  Little dod I know this song would be so prolific in a few minutes!  I grabbed a thick bunch and proceeded to throw them in the bin when I realized one had fur...and a tail.  Dropping the handful of weeds and such like a hot potato, I noticed a dead mouse mixed in with the weeds.  Aaahhh!  My cat left me a gift, he shouldn't have.  Really, he shouldn't have.  Calming myself down, I picked up the shovel and deposited Torro's prize into the bin.  I decided I didn't want anymore surprises so I would finish my job with the shovel.  There was only about 3 feet so it didn't take long to loosen.  Crawling back into the garden, I situated myself once again between the rocks and axle.  I grabbed more of the dug up weeds and began to shake off all the excess earth.  I was almost finished...yea!  Grabbing a new bunch I noticed the earth.  What the heck was going on?  It was erupting, literally!  Thousands of tiny red ants were bubbling up to the surface and covering the garden fast.  The first one bit me, then the second.  I lost track when I saw them running all over my legs.  Holy *#$*!  They bite!  Last week, I saw a doctor, show 3 tests on TV.  One of them was to see if you could sit down and get back up with no point of contact between the ground, and not using your hands or knees.  If you could do this, you would more than likely live for another 5 years.  Now, while first getting in this space, I had to contort my body to finish the job.  It took me about a full minute to situate myself.  I probably had 4 points of contact before getting down.  This being said, once the ants began attacking me, there were no points of contact used to get up.  Reflecting on it now, I believe I propelled myself off the ground.  Oh yes, ***  pounds of unfeathered fury, rocketing out of the garden with nothing more to fuel me than 1000 biting ants.  I dare say it was impressive, as were my moves after.  Perhaps Michael Jackson didn't get a dance revelation in the '80's.  I think he unearthed Fire Ants.  I danced around my front lawn like my pants were on fire! By this time, buses and kids, and cars were going by, but not before stopping at the Stop sign at my corner to watch the show.  I heard clapping and cheers.  I looked up and saw about 30 teenagers on a bus, 4 kids on the sidewalk and 3 cars behind the bus, all focused on me.  Years ago, this would have made me cry; to be such a spectacle.  Not today! I wouldn't have cared if the Queen herself saw me!  I did the only thing I thought of doing.  I took a bow and yelled "The next show is at 7"!  With that, I ran to the backyard and hosed myself off.  Spraying my legs, belly and torso, which were covered in 1000 burning bites.  After, I sat at my patio table to regain my composure.  A spider crawled across the arm of my chair.  I was not afraid, nor would I ever again, for I had been frightened by smaller, mightier beasts than it and survived!