♡ Anniversaries ♡
Sixty years ago today, September 9, 1955, my parents said their I do's.
When my father passed away, it was half way through their 56th year of marriage. They had their misunderstandings and disagreements but they loved each other. Even after 56 years of marriage, I still saw my dad give my mom a good morning kiss everyday before coffee. My mom missed my dad desperately.
My aunt and uncle will be celebrating their 70th anniversary this month, which is extrordinary to me. My family, on both of my parents side have 4 anniversaries that have surpassed 50 years, one that has celebrated 60 years together, and 2 approaching 50 years.
They are celebrating more than just a day on the calendar, they are celebrating love, hard work, commitment, and a never ending willingness to give up. A life they have built together. That takes guts!
My husband and I celebrated our 26 anniversary this past June. It has been trying, sometimes. Marriage is difficult, it's a delicate balance of give and take. Some years, you give more than you take. It's more than just wedded bliss.
The statistics on marriage in this day and age are scary. Between 40-50 % of marriages will fail before one the pair passes away. Cohabitation, or living together, has increased from approximately 3 % in 1960 to 40+ % as of 1999, with no marriage commitment whatsoever.
Why such a marked increase in divorce from our parents or grandparents generation? They had problems as well. The depression in the 30's were hard on marriage, the 80's had a recession, with borrowing rates as high as 18 %. That must have strained even the strongest of couples. Financial troubles can't be blamed for all marriage collapses. Infidelity has increased over the decades, and with home Internet, cheating is literally at your finger tips.
All of these statistics begs the question why? Why jeopardize a marriage for a romp in the hay with someone else?
I have heard this argued from both sides for years. Boredom, feelings of not being loved, never seeing each other, constant fighting, there are as many excuses as varieties of dogs.
Couples just stop trying. They don't communicate, they don't cuddle, they don't have sex (at least with each other), they don't go on dates, or have romantic dinners together at home. There's nothing better than 2 people cooking together, setting the table with your finest china, crystal, flowers and candlelight. Eating, laughing, just talking. It takes effort, and why not take out the good dishes for each other? If couples can't celebrate each other, what do they celebrate?
Years ago,when my husband and I had been married a few years, we were attending a wedding. It was time to eat dinner, the minister, stood up and said a blessing over the food and new couple. He said "My wife and I have been married for 47 years, 40 of them, happy!" Of course, everyone laughed, but I thought about that all night. I thought that was a terrible thing to say.
Now, I understand. He wasn't slamming marriage or his wife, he was being honest. If you consider all of the bad days over the lifetime of a marriage, it probably does add up to a few bad years.
The first year of marriage is exciting, there's hot sex, theres cold sex, shower sex, car sex, all kinds of sex! It is new, and fresh and neither partner wants to disappoint the other.
Then, children come along. Everything changes, you are not the center of each other's universe any more. It's not that you have stopped loving or wanting each other, but, now you have an 9 pound baby demanding attention. I can remember my husband and I, celebrating our first anniversary. Our son had been born less than 2 weeks before. We were exhausted. We went out for an early dinner, and after dimner, my husband asked me what I would like to do. I looked him straight in the eyes and said "Go to bed!" Not go home and make mad passionate love, I meant, go home, put my pajamas on and fall asleep. He was in total agreement. My mom had our son for the night, and we were home by 7:30 and went to bed. It was wonderful.
Each year holds something different in a marriage. The honeymoon stage goes away pretty quickly, there is still passion but it's not as often or spontaneous. The child raising years play a toll, as all energy seems to go towards the needs of the children. Then, there's the teenage years, where you curse your spouse for getting you pregnant to begin with. They were very difficult years on our marriage. Stolen moments, planned date nights, passing kisses in the hall as one takes a kid to hockey, the other to soccer practice.
The point is, marriage needs to be nourished, worked, planned and it requires forgiveness, understanding, and a very good sense of humour. Let's face it, when the sex is few and far between, and the kids have grown, and it's just the 2 of you again, there has to be something drawing you towards one another for the rest of your life.
For me, I always look forward to what tomorrow will bring. I want to see my husband's mustache turn gray, I want us to walk hand in hand into the future, knowing wherever it may take us, we go together.
Marriage, it's hard, beautiful, heartbreaking, fulfilling, and more. It's a journey 2 people take together, not expecting perfection, but acceptance. I wouldn't change it for anything!
Happy Anniversary mom and dad. Cheers. ♡♡
When my father passed away, it was half way through their 56th year of marriage. They had their misunderstandings and disagreements but they loved each other. Even after 56 years of marriage, I still saw my dad give my mom a good morning kiss everyday before coffee. My mom missed my dad desperately.
My aunt and uncle will be celebrating their 70th anniversary this month, which is extrordinary to me. My family, on both of my parents side have 4 anniversaries that have surpassed 50 years, one that has celebrated 60 years together, and 2 approaching 50 years.
They are celebrating more than just a day on the calendar, they are celebrating love, hard work, commitment, and a never ending willingness to give up. A life they have built together. That takes guts!
My husband and I celebrated our 26 anniversary this past June. It has been trying, sometimes. Marriage is difficult, it's a delicate balance of give and take. Some years, you give more than you take. It's more than just wedded bliss.
The statistics on marriage in this day and age are scary. Between 40-50 % of marriages will fail before one the pair passes away. Cohabitation, or living together, has increased from approximately 3 % in 1960 to 40+ % as of 1999, with no marriage commitment whatsoever.
Why such a marked increase in divorce from our parents or grandparents generation? They had problems as well. The depression in the 30's were hard on marriage, the 80's had a recession, with borrowing rates as high as 18 %. That must have strained even the strongest of couples. Financial troubles can't be blamed for all marriage collapses. Infidelity has increased over the decades, and with home Internet, cheating is literally at your finger tips.
All of these statistics begs the question why? Why jeopardize a marriage for a romp in the hay with someone else?
I have heard this argued from both sides for years. Boredom, feelings of not being loved, never seeing each other, constant fighting, there are as many excuses as varieties of dogs.
Couples just stop trying. They don't communicate, they don't cuddle, they don't have sex (at least with each other), they don't go on dates, or have romantic dinners together at home. There's nothing better than 2 people cooking together, setting the table with your finest china, crystal, flowers and candlelight. Eating, laughing, just talking. It takes effort, and why not take out the good dishes for each other? If couples can't celebrate each other, what do they celebrate?
Years ago,when my husband and I had been married a few years, we were attending a wedding. It was time to eat dinner, the minister, stood up and said a blessing over the food and new couple. He said "My wife and I have been married for 47 years, 40 of them, happy!" Of course, everyone laughed, but I thought about that all night. I thought that was a terrible thing to say.
Now, I understand. He wasn't slamming marriage or his wife, he was being honest. If you consider all of the bad days over the lifetime of a marriage, it probably does add up to a few bad years.
The first year of marriage is exciting, there's hot sex, theres cold sex, shower sex, car sex, all kinds of sex! It is new, and fresh and neither partner wants to disappoint the other.
Then, children come along. Everything changes, you are not the center of each other's universe any more. It's not that you have stopped loving or wanting each other, but, now you have an 9 pound baby demanding attention. I can remember my husband and I, celebrating our first anniversary. Our son had been born less than 2 weeks before. We were exhausted. We went out for an early dinner, and after dimner, my husband asked me what I would like to do. I looked him straight in the eyes and said "Go to bed!" Not go home and make mad passionate love, I meant, go home, put my pajamas on and fall asleep. He was in total agreement. My mom had our son for the night, and we were home by 7:30 and went to bed. It was wonderful.
Each year holds something different in a marriage. The honeymoon stage goes away pretty quickly, there is still passion but it's not as often or spontaneous. The child raising years play a toll, as all energy seems to go towards the needs of the children. Then, there's the teenage years, where you curse your spouse for getting you pregnant to begin with. They were very difficult years on our marriage. Stolen moments, planned date nights, passing kisses in the hall as one takes a kid to hockey, the other to soccer practice.
The point is, marriage needs to be nourished, worked, planned and it requires forgiveness, understanding, and a very good sense of humour. Let's face it, when the sex is few and far between, and the kids have grown, and it's just the 2 of you again, there has to be something drawing you towards one another for the rest of your life.
For me, I always look forward to what tomorrow will bring. I want to see my husband's mustache turn gray, I want us to walk hand in hand into the future, knowing wherever it may take us, we go together.
Marriage, it's hard, beautiful, heartbreaking, fulfilling, and more. It's a journey 2 people take together, not expecting perfection, but acceptance. I wouldn't change it for anything!
Happy Anniversary mom and dad. Cheers. ♡♡
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