Tales From The Quce!
I have had a heck of a morning! As usual, I woke up early, but since I have had this cold, I woke up even earlier. After blowing my nose for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality is was only 3 minutes, my head found its way to the light once again.
On the way to the sectional, I stubbed my little toe. Either my husband or my son, moved my grandchildren's wooden rocking horse. Probably the latter, he likes to prop his feet on it while he watches television. I made my way to sit down, singing
Oo, ee oo ah ah,
Ting tang
Wall walk bing bang
Oo ee, oo ah ah,
Ting tang,
Walawala bang bang!
OK, it didn't really sound like that, I did change a few words, but I was hopping around, holding my toe, making the oo ee sounds.
On the way to the sectional, I stubbed my little toe. Either my husband or my son, moved my grandchildren's wooden rocking horse. Probably the latter, he likes to prop his feet on it while he watches television. I made my way to sit down, singing
Oo, ee oo ah ah,
Ting tang
Wall walk bing bang
Oo ee, oo ah ah,
Ting tang,
Walawala bang bang!
OK, it didn't really sound like that, I did change a few words, but I was hopping around, holding my toe, making the oo ee sounds.
By the time the pain had subsided to a dull ache, I had recovered enough to think clearly. I wondered what the statistics were on fractured toes from being stubbed into a piece of furniture. I decided I needed to know this fact immediately. I turned on my phone, went to my home page, only to see a gray rectangle telling me I was offline. Offline? "Ugh!"
I walked across the room, and looked at my modum. It was blue and white. "Is that right?" I asked myself. "I don't know!" I sarcastically snipped back. I was arguing with myself.
This happens to us quite often, our Internet goes down. Groaning, I got down on my knees, and unplugged the whole thing. I know from past experiences, to wait 30 seconds before plugging it back in. OK, I plugged it back in, stood up, and hobbled back to the chair. I tried again...still nothing. "Aahhh!!!"
That's it! I'm calling them! Them, being my Internet providers.
I turned on my phone, went to contacts, and I heard "Were sorry, this line is no longer in service. If you are calling about your phone, press 1, if you are calling about your cable, press 2, all other inquiries, please go online at www.R*****.com" "What?! I can't log on you idiots, I have no Internet service!" I decided to push 1.
Instantly, I could hear soft music and a recording telling me my call was important to them, but due to the high volume of calls, the quce was full, and my call would be answered by the next available representative." High volume of calls? It was 5:17 am, how many people were experiencing difficulties, and what exactly is a quce anyway? All questions I would love to Google, if and when my Internet gets back up and running.
I left my phone on speaker, so I could hear when a live person actually came on, I just couldn't handle their music and promotions in my ear.
After 17 minutes, I heard "Hello, this is Jay, how may I help you today?" I tried to say calmly, "My Internet isn't working." He informed me that he only deals with phone issues, but he would be happy to transfer me to another department. "AAAHHHHH!!!" More awful music, and more promotional B.S.
This time, I was only waiting for a few minutes. I was asked my address, and phone number. I knew what was going to happen next. She was going to tell me that my phone number wasn't attatched to my account. I wasn't disappointed, that is exactly what she told me. I was really frustrated, all of this talking was seriously exacerbating my sore throat. I rambled off my phone number, again so she could update my file. I could hear the keyboard clicking, and I heard her mumble "hmm." Once again, I knew what she would tell me. "My system won't let me update your phone number." "Well duct dape it to the damn thing!" I yelled. "Just make it work!" I heard her say calmly, " Ma'm, this is a computer, I can't duct tape your number to your file. It's a program. " "I know that!" I said. "Didn't Bill Gates or Steve Jobs invent some kind of duct tape program for these kinds of situations?" She said, "I don't know ma'm, this is our own system."
After our conversation had finished it's volley, she told me she would run an Internet check in my area. She came back, and told me everything was good. "We'll it's not good, I still have NO internet!" Next, she ran a check of my modum, and she told me it was online. Indignant now, I told her it wasn't.
She was getting frustrated too, I could hear her voice begin to strain. Then she asked me something that stopped me dead in my tracks. "Is your WIFI turned on?" Huffing, I said "Of course it is, I never turn it off." She asked me to check. Grumbling and complaining, I went into my phone settings, only to find my WIFI was off.
"Oops." I said, " I remember now, I did turn it off last night before I went to bed. I have a really bad cold you see, and I was forever getting notifications on my phone which would wake me up, so I remember now, yes I turned my WIFI off." "Great." came her flat reply. "Is there anything else I can help you with today?" She asked, but her voice was pleading with me to be quiet and say no. So I did. I apologized for yelling at her and wasting her time. I thought about all of those frustrated customers, stuck in the quce. I silently apologized to them too.
I went online, and instead, of broken toes resulting from being stubbed, I Googled nightmare stories from service representatives. As I read them, I could recognize myself in some of them. One representative had to take stress leave. Oh boy, I thought, I hope it wasn't from me.
I looked at the clock, it was only 6:07 am. I managed to stub my toe, perhaps even breaking it, and subject some poor girl to my insanity. I can only claim the quce.
This happens to us quite often, our Internet goes down. Groaning, I got down on my knees, and unplugged the whole thing. I know from past experiences, to wait 30 seconds before plugging it back in. OK, I plugged it back in, stood up, and hobbled back to the chair. I tried again...still nothing. "Aahhh!!!"
That's it! I'm calling them! Them, being my Internet providers.
I turned on my phone, went to contacts, and I heard "Were sorry, this line is no longer in service. If you are calling about your phone, press 1, if you are calling about your cable, press 2, all other inquiries, please go online at www.R*****.com" "What?! I can't log on you idiots, I have no Internet service!" I decided to push 1.
Instantly, I could hear soft music and a recording telling me my call was important to them, but due to the high volume of calls, the quce was full, and my call would be answered by the next available representative." High volume of calls? It was 5:17 am, how many people were experiencing difficulties, and what exactly is a quce anyway? All questions I would love to Google, if and when my Internet gets back up and running.
I left my phone on speaker, so I could hear when a live person actually came on, I just couldn't handle their music and promotions in my ear.
After 17 minutes, I heard "Hello, this is Jay, how may I help you today?" I tried to say calmly, "My Internet isn't working." He informed me that he only deals with phone issues, but he would be happy to transfer me to another department. "AAAHHHHH!!!" More awful music, and more promotional B.S.
This time, I was only waiting for a few minutes. I was asked my address, and phone number. I knew what was going to happen next. She was going to tell me that my phone number wasn't attatched to my account. I wasn't disappointed, that is exactly what she told me. I was really frustrated, all of this talking was seriously exacerbating my sore throat. I rambled off my phone number, again so she could update my file. I could hear the keyboard clicking, and I heard her mumble "hmm." Once again, I knew what she would tell me. "My system won't let me update your phone number." "Well duct dape it to the damn thing!" I yelled. "Just make it work!" I heard her say calmly, " Ma'm, this is a computer, I can't duct tape your number to your file. It's a program. " "I know that!" I said. "Didn't Bill Gates or Steve Jobs invent some kind of duct tape program for these kinds of situations?" She said, "I don't know ma'm, this is our own system."
After our conversation had finished it's volley, she told me she would run an Internet check in my area. She came back, and told me everything was good. "We'll it's not good, I still have NO internet!" Next, she ran a check of my modum, and she told me it was online. Indignant now, I told her it wasn't.
She was getting frustrated too, I could hear her voice begin to strain. Then she asked me something that stopped me dead in my tracks. "Is your WIFI turned on?" Huffing, I said "Of course it is, I never turn it off." She asked me to check. Grumbling and complaining, I went into my phone settings, only to find my WIFI was off.
"Oops." I said, " I remember now, I did turn it off last night before I went to bed. I have a really bad cold you see, and I was forever getting notifications on my phone which would wake me up, so I remember now, yes I turned my WIFI off." "Great." came her flat reply. "Is there anything else I can help you with today?" She asked, but her voice was pleading with me to be quiet and say no. So I did. I apologized for yelling at her and wasting her time. I thought about all of those frustrated customers, stuck in the quce. I silently apologized to them too.
I went online, and instead, of broken toes resulting from being stubbed, I Googled nightmare stories from service representatives. As I read them, I could recognize myself in some of them. One representative had to take stress leave. Oh boy, I thought, I hope it wasn't from me.
I looked at the clock, it was only 6:07 am. I managed to stub my toe, perhaps even breaking it, and subject some poor girl to my insanity. I can only claim the quce.
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