Yesterday Is Gone
I received a phone call from one of my aunts last night. It was sad news, informing me that one of my cousins had unexpectedly passed away in western Canada, while he was working. It was shocking to hear, and I still feel like it was part of a bad dream.
Because my Uncle and aunt settled in Alberta, I only saw my cousins half a dozen times growing up. I recall a shy, little blonde boy with an infectious giggle, and later, still a shy young man, with the same smile and a wonderful sense of humour.
I thought about my cousin, long into the night, remembering the last time I saw him. I had been married a couple of years, and my son was little. My cousin, was 16, and I could tell he didn't really want to be there, it was painfully obvious from the look on his face. I felt for him, he was bored, and he really didn't know us very well. He had just earned his beginners drivers license, so I suggested that he and I go out for a drive while everyone talked. My son was having a nap, so I knew we had 90 minutes for a drive and a visit.
His eyes, lit up with the idea of getting behind the wheel, and away from the conversation that was so dull for him. I watched my young cousin, open up, and chat about school, friends, his dreams, girls, all sorts of subjects. I listened and only had to brace myself a few times. He drove very responsibly and he was respectful of my car. We enjoyed our visit; that was the last time I saw him.
It's funny, but that is how I pictured him when I heard the news. Not, 42 and a man, but as a carefree 16 year old teenager. I knew he wasn't that young teenager anymore, but my mind refused to be reasonable. I didn't want to think of him as a man, that was now dead, it was easier for me to think of him as a laughing, young man.
It must be a safety mechanism for our psyche, to protect us when we are not emotionally ready to accept such traumatic news. I definitely needed time to process this.
You can see someone everyday, but never really know them, or, you can see someone only a few times in your life, but during those times, a connection was created, memories, that from time to time, you remember fondly.
I never knew my cousin as a man, a husband, or an uncle. I always imagined, I would see him...sometime in the future, and we would laugh when we reminisced about his driving in Ontario. I was wrong.
Yesterday, my aunt and uncle learned their son was dead, yesterday, our family lost another precious member, not to cancer for once, but an unfortunate accident. Yesterday, is all we have when we remember. Yesterday, is gone, but today, lives on.
Because my Uncle and aunt settled in Alberta, I only saw my cousins half a dozen times growing up. I recall a shy, little blonde boy with an infectious giggle, and later, still a shy young man, with the same smile and a wonderful sense of humour.
I thought about my cousin, long into the night, remembering the last time I saw him. I had been married a couple of years, and my son was little. My cousin, was 16, and I could tell he didn't really want to be there, it was painfully obvious from the look on his face. I felt for him, he was bored, and he really didn't know us very well. He had just earned his beginners drivers license, so I suggested that he and I go out for a drive while everyone talked. My son was having a nap, so I knew we had 90 minutes for a drive and a visit.
His eyes, lit up with the idea of getting behind the wheel, and away from the conversation that was so dull for him. I watched my young cousin, open up, and chat about school, friends, his dreams, girls, all sorts of subjects. I listened and only had to brace myself a few times. He drove very responsibly and he was respectful of my car. We enjoyed our visit; that was the last time I saw him.
It's funny, but that is how I pictured him when I heard the news. Not, 42 and a man, but as a carefree 16 year old teenager. I knew he wasn't that young teenager anymore, but my mind refused to be reasonable. I didn't want to think of him as a man, that was now dead, it was easier for me to think of him as a laughing, young man.
It must be a safety mechanism for our psyche, to protect us when we are not emotionally ready to accept such traumatic news. I definitely needed time to process this.
You can see someone everyday, but never really know them, or, you can see someone only a few times in your life, but during those times, a connection was created, memories, that from time to time, you remember fondly.
I never knew my cousin as a man, a husband, or an uncle. I always imagined, I would see him...sometime in the future, and we would laugh when we reminisced about his driving in Ontario. I was wrong.
Yesterday, my aunt and uncle learned their son was dead, yesterday, our family lost another precious member, not to cancer for once, but an unfortunate accident. Yesterday, is all we have when we remember. Yesterday, is gone, but today, lives on.
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