Blood and Water

     Something devestating happened to me yesterday,  my daughter called me to tell me my oldest brother was in the ICU recovering from heart surgery.  She read about it on my niece's Facebook page.  My niece being my brothers daughter.  It wasn't on mine, I went directly to my Facebook and looked, there was nothing there.  My friend Char informed me you can censor your Facebook status so someone in particular can't see what is posted.  To make a long story short, my niece and her mother managed to let everyone on their Facebook know except my twin brother and myself.  I was totally devestated, both that my brother had to experience this and the fact I was completely in the dark.  I phoned my aunt to let her know the news and she told me she already knew.  I was hit hard again.  Were we the only ones who didn't know?   My aunt told me that my brother told her a month before he was going to have surgery but not to tell anyone because he didn't know all the details as yet.  That was understandable, no point in alarming anyone until you had answers, but his girlfriend and daughter put it on Facebook!  That is social media, once on there, it became its own beast, growing with every person reading it, and believe me, word travelled.  I wasn't sure how to process this information.   So, after calling my friend Char she put things into perspective.   "He is a selfish p...k " she said, as only she can.  She was right.  This wasn't my issue, it was his.  I was not going to let myself get caught up in his emotional storm.  My parents both came from large families.  My dad was born to a family of 9 children and my mom to a family of 12 children.  To them, family  was their life and they instilled the same values in their 4 children.  My aunt told me how sad she was and how unhappy both of my parents would have been knowing this was happening between their children.  I am happy they didn't need to.  My middle brother knew, and never said a word.  He texted just 2 days before, asking about all of the sucides in our region and how it made national news.  He wanted to know what was going on here.  He wanted to know about something that didn't affect him in the slightest, but not once did he think that perhaps his other 2 siblings might want to know about what was happening in the life of another?  This was a huge, bitter pill for me to swallow.  I don't know what happened in my brothers lives to have such little regard for our feelings, or respect for family.   I have ALWAYS included my brothers in my life, sharing happy times with sad times.  Isn't that what family is for?  I remembered childhood holidays, vacations, weddings, and day to day family life.  Char's words were echoing inside my head "Just let go".  So, I took a big breath and I said "I am giving you the freedom you want".  I set my brothers free, along with all of my pain and sadness.  I felt more at peace  than I had the past 6 hours.  There is the expression blood is thicker than water.  Oh how true that is, but perhaps not in the way we have always thought.  I was raised to believe family was everything, your past, present, and future.  I believed that until today.  I still believe blood IS thicker than water, but not in the "your family will always have your back" way, but thick in the respect that if they aren't there to support you or love you no matter what then that thick blood just becomes a mire of mud and quicksand and will swallow you in heartache and regret.  So, taking Char's advice, I chose the water.  Water is thinner yes and less resistant to flow, resistant, not getting all caught up through its own viscosity.   Family, I have learned isn't about the blood that runs through your veins
 It's about the love that pumps through your heart.