Miss Hap and May Hem
While at Walmart yesterday, I witnessed a couple of truly bizarre sights. Walmart is known for having some very creatively dressed patrons walking their aisles. You can see for yourself at www.peopleofwalmart.com
Now, Robert Blackwell, I am not, for those who aren't familiar with Mr Blackwell's infamous list, he was known as Mr Fashion. He would evoke one of two emotions from people who made his list, joy, if your name was in his top 10 Best Dressed List for the year, OR dread if you were on his 10 Worst Dressed List for the year. That being said, I don't believe I required any kind of fashion degree to know that what I saw in front of me in the Dairy aisle of my local Walmart was just wrong! There stood 2 women looking at yogurt, discussing what brand they should buy. I would approximate their age around 60. One woman was wearing 2 different shoes, on her left foot, a green hightop Converse, on the other foot a grey leather loafer. She was wearing socks, and they matched, they were bright coloured magenta, pulled all the way up to her ample knees. A plaid skirt graced her bottom with lines intersecting in colours of blue, red and white. The hem of that skirt fell at a very unfortunate place on her thigh. From the waist of the skirt hung a gold belt with 3 chains hanging down at varying lengths. Her top was not really a top in the conventional sense. I think it was an orange shamee (the kind used in drying a car to prevent spots). It had a hole in the center for her head and the sides barely covered her front and back. It was fastened together with safety pins. Over that was a mans navy blazer with gold buttons with a red rose pinned on the lapel. Around her neck was a beautiful silk scarf that reminded me of a watercolour painting. Her hair was bright red, the colour of a male cardinal. Huge silver hoops dangled from her ears and neon pink lipstick graced her mouth. I was surprised to see a face with gorgeous, smooth skin that was actually very pretty. Her friend had matching brown shoes, they reminded me of the shoes one of my primary music teachers used to wear (school marm I call them). She had nude coloured panty hose with old cutoff denim shorts covering them. The shorts hung down to her thin knees, they were tattered and frayed and too big on her. She wore a red bandana for a belt to keep them secure. On the top part of her body, she wore a Peacock blue silk blouse with silk covered buttons. It would have been lovely with the right attire. Hanging from her neck were pearls. The 3 string set which I remember my mom wearing on special evenings out with my dad. Her ears had massive earrings in a flower pattern with coloured stones that sparkled when she moved her head. Her hair was bright orange with streaks of white. Neither one placed there by nature. Her lips were the same shade of orange as her hair and her eyes had the brightest shade of blue eyeshadow I have ever seen, with old Cat Eye glasses, covered in shiny gems and pearls with a gold chain attached to each side to hang from your neck if necessary. They were the kind of ladies you couldn't help but notice, and dressed the way they were, I believe they accepted it if not encouraged attention. People were stopping and sneaking a peak, some snickering, others clucking their tongues in disgust. They looked at me and smiled. The woman with the orange hair said "Hello dear ", and the other one squealed and told me I was just too adorable for words. I am 51, I think that train left the station a long time ago but it made me smile and feel great! These 2 ladies, clearly fashion victims by society's standards were so sweet and kind. They were clean, they didn't smell and they were polite. I have seen many types in Walmart before. People in pajamas, filthy people, others who smelled so bad their stench assaulted you from 1 aisle away. These 2 ladies were eccentric, totally but they weren't slovenly or dirty, so who was I to judge them. I felt guilty and smiled to myself as I walked away, listening to them greeting other customers with sweet sentiments. I felt a kinship with these 2 ladies, I decided I would refer to these ladies when I spoke of them in the future, oh yes indeed, I would speak of them. I lovingly named them Miss Hap and May Hem, not because they were disasters, but because they were a creative reminder of humanity, kindness, sweetness and decency. I have never seen these 2 ladies before but I feel the world is a little bit more colourful with them in it!
Now, Robert Blackwell, I am not, for those who aren't familiar with Mr Blackwell's infamous list, he was known as Mr Fashion. He would evoke one of two emotions from people who made his list, joy, if your name was in his top 10 Best Dressed List for the year, OR dread if you were on his 10 Worst Dressed List for the year. That being said, I don't believe I required any kind of fashion degree to know that what I saw in front of me in the Dairy aisle of my local Walmart was just wrong! There stood 2 women looking at yogurt, discussing what brand they should buy. I would approximate their age around 60. One woman was wearing 2 different shoes, on her left foot, a green hightop Converse, on the other foot a grey leather loafer. She was wearing socks, and they matched, they were bright coloured magenta, pulled all the way up to her ample knees. A plaid skirt graced her bottom with lines intersecting in colours of blue, red and white. The hem of that skirt fell at a very unfortunate place on her thigh. From the waist of the skirt hung a gold belt with 3 chains hanging down at varying lengths. Her top was not really a top in the conventional sense. I think it was an orange shamee (the kind used in drying a car to prevent spots). It had a hole in the center for her head and the sides barely covered her front and back. It was fastened together with safety pins. Over that was a mans navy blazer with gold buttons with a red rose pinned on the lapel. Around her neck was a beautiful silk scarf that reminded me of a watercolour painting. Her hair was bright red, the colour of a male cardinal. Huge silver hoops dangled from her ears and neon pink lipstick graced her mouth. I was surprised to see a face with gorgeous, smooth skin that was actually very pretty. Her friend had matching brown shoes, they reminded me of the shoes one of my primary music teachers used to wear (school marm I call them). She had nude coloured panty hose with old cutoff denim shorts covering them. The shorts hung down to her thin knees, they were tattered and frayed and too big on her. She wore a red bandana for a belt to keep them secure. On the top part of her body, she wore a Peacock blue silk blouse with silk covered buttons. It would have been lovely with the right attire. Hanging from her neck were pearls. The 3 string set which I remember my mom wearing on special evenings out with my dad. Her ears had massive earrings in a flower pattern with coloured stones that sparkled when she moved her head. Her hair was bright orange with streaks of white. Neither one placed there by nature. Her lips were the same shade of orange as her hair and her eyes had the brightest shade of blue eyeshadow I have ever seen, with old Cat Eye glasses, covered in shiny gems and pearls with a gold chain attached to each side to hang from your neck if necessary. They were the kind of ladies you couldn't help but notice, and dressed the way they were, I believe they accepted it if not encouraged attention. People were stopping and sneaking a peak, some snickering, others clucking their tongues in disgust. They looked at me and smiled. The woman with the orange hair said "Hello dear ", and the other one squealed and told me I was just too adorable for words. I am 51, I think that train left the station a long time ago but it made me smile and feel great! These 2 ladies, clearly fashion victims by society's standards were so sweet and kind. They were clean, they didn't smell and they were polite. I have seen many types in Walmart before. People in pajamas, filthy people, others who smelled so bad their stench assaulted you from 1 aisle away. These 2 ladies were eccentric, totally but they weren't slovenly or dirty, so who was I to judge them. I felt guilty and smiled to myself as I walked away, listening to them greeting other customers with sweet sentiments. I felt a kinship with these 2 ladies, I decided I would refer to these ladies when I spoke of them in the future, oh yes indeed, I would speak of them. I lovingly named them Miss Hap and May Hem, not because they were disasters, but because they were a creative reminder of humanity, kindness, sweetness and decency. I have never seen these 2 ladies before but I feel the world is a little bit more colourful with them in it!
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