Three seconds

     Death is a part of life, an oxymoron maybe, but still a reality.  Nobody is ever really prepared or ready when it happens.  You think you are, read the books, helped with final preparations, said the things that needed to be said and then it happens.  You are never truly ready to let the person you love so dearly take their last breath, never.  I remember watching Terms of Endearment when I was 19.  It was sad yes but I never fully understood the scene where Debra Winger dies and Shirley McClain puts her head down and touches her chest sobbing "I was so stupid, I thought when she went it would be easier, it's not".  When my mom died, I was with her holding her hand, she was surrounded by my brother, her sister, my daughter and myself.  We told her it was OK to go as she opened up her eyes and looked into mine.  The last thing I said to her was "Your angel is here mom, waiting to escorts you to heaven".  She was at peace and then she took her last breath.  There was nothing dramatic, she was just gone.  But, at that moment when I realized she was gone, I too put my head down and felt that ache in my chest that increased with every beat of my heart.  My mom was gone and somehow I had to go on living without her.   It was an awful time and to be honest I am still struggling.   Now imagine having someone you love take their own life!  Five families in this community are living not only without their precious loved one but also with the knowledge that their life was snuffed out by their own hand.   I cannot imagine that loss and I pray I never will.  These 5 people were young, under the age of 19.  I don't know what has been happening, but I do know that we need to be so vigilant as a community and watch for signs.  I am sure these suffering families had no idea their child was experiencing such pain.  I don't know what the answer is, but I do know we see and hear things everyday that we can chose to ignore or be involved.  I am begging everyone, if you know a young person talk to them, ask them how they are, look into their eyes, be interested.  Maybe it's your neighbour, the kid that delivers the paper, the one who pours your coffee, or your niece or nephew, or your child.  The point is we don't know what is going on inside their head but we need to let them know that things will get better.  Now, think about their families.  Their lives are forever changed.   There are so many ways to help, giving a donation for mental help, talking to people who you know are hurting, just reaching out.  So, if you work beside a teen, talk to them, ask what their summer plans are, if you have a young neighbour say hello and ask them over for a glass of iced tea, be involved.  Let them roll their eyes at you, better for them to think you are weird than to do nothing and find out they weren't ok.  From what I have read about teen suicides, before they do it, for a week or 2 before they move slower, speak slower, respond slower.  People have later said when they asked the teen how they were they didn't say anything for a few seconds, before they responded.  Three seconds, that small delay before saying they were ok, perhaps they were hoping you would see they weren't.   We all have 3 seconds to possibly save someone's life, or a family from a never ending pain and guilt.  So watch, listen, and smile at everyone, you could be the change someone needs to keep going.  I pray for the young people, I pray for their families,  friends, teachers and coworkers to be proactive.  I pray for these lost families who are grieving.  I pray for you.