Wild Kingdom
I love children, with all of their energy, enthusiasm, honesty and innocence, all wrapped up in a little bundle of energy. Makes me long for my childhood. However, more than a few of these eager little beavers and I become anxious. A mob of 4 and 5 year olds are equivalent to an A bomb, not A for Atom, definately not that, no the A stands for Aaaahhhhh!
Today is the last day of school for the children in our area, and as I dropped my granddaughter off in her Junior Kindergarten class, the mood was palpable.
Let's face it, 4 and 5 year olds have more energy than the rest of us at the best of times. Add to that the knowledge that they have 2 months with no school, these enthusiastic youngsters were running around like tiny little banshees! If I had testicles, I am sure they would have ascended into my abdomen!
My granddaughter is pretty calm by nature, but the mood of her classmates catapulted her into high velocity. My ear was immediately ringing from the high pitch squealing of a group of 4 year old little girls jumping up and down. I had to look twice to see if someone had brought piglets to the class! My granddaughter was part of this group that was furiously assaulting my auditory system.
Two boys were sitting on their haunches with their heads back howling, and when the squealing little girls noticed, they too joined the pack becoming miniature wolves, too, twice as noisey and just as fierce!
Getting my granddaughters attention long enough to give her a good bye hug and kiss was going to be a challenge. I called her name but it went unheard with all of the howling. I decided I would go to her and gently touch her shoulder to get her attention before leaving. I pushed my hand out toward my granddaughter, but was stopped by a growling wolf boy trying to bite me! I jerked my hand back avoiding the jaws of this little beast, afterall, I didn't know if his rabies shot was up to date.
At this point I changed my method of operations, and crouched down and decided I would join the pack. The boy that had attempted to take a bite of me earlier was immediately wise to my plan. Clearly he was the alpha in this pack. I was a little concerned when he crawled over to where I was doing my best at balancing my portly body. I wasn't sure if he was going to attack me or pee on me to mark his territory, clearly these were his omegas and he looked like he was prepared for a fight. I was no match for this ferocious 40 pound wolf boy and he knew it.
I stood up, defeated with my imaginary tail tucked between my legs. Other children were arriving and joining the pack. They had stopped howling but I was sure I could see the alphas nostrils begin to flare. He was sniffing the air! I knew what was next, I watched Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom when I was a kid! I can remember listening to Marlin Perkins voice as he narrated, and I knew when an animal was going to attack. Perkins would speak faster and louder and the hair on my neck would tingle. Well, the hair on my neck was definitely tingling!
I frantically looked for an escape route, or a distraction, I was in luck! There was another grandma dropping off her grandson and she didn't have a clue what was happening 3 feet away from her. I decided I would have a chance if I could get past her. I had heard wolves only go for the weak and the old and I fit into both categories (in the mind of a 4 year old anyway).
Moving slowly, trying not to draw attention to the fact I was trying to escape the jaws of death, I slowly retreated toward the door. The alpha saw me, he was up off his knees, was that drool dripping from his mouth? The others were up too, following his lead. The bell rang! "Saved by the bell" sprang to my mind but not theirs, apparently they hadn't learned that expression yet. The room was loud, too loud. The teacher lifted her arm straight up in the air, the silence was deafening! The wolves all put one arm up and the other arm was lifted in front of their face with the index finger covering their mouth. Who knew?
My granddaughter was herself again, so I kissed and hugged her and quickly walked to the door. I turned my head back to wave and I caught a glimpse of the alpha, he was smiling at me. I was certain I could hear Marlin Perkins say "Well Jim, it looks like it was this grandma's lucky day, but sometime, somewhere, her luck will run out, but until that time she can get life insurance from Mutual of Omaha! For Jim Fowler and myself, this is Marlin Perkins and you have been watching Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.
Today is the last day of school for the children in our area, and as I dropped my granddaughter off in her Junior Kindergarten class, the mood was palpable.
Let's face it, 4 and 5 year olds have more energy than the rest of us at the best of times. Add to that the knowledge that they have 2 months with no school, these enthusiastic youngsters were running around like tiny little banshees! If I had testicles, I am sure they would have ascended into my abdomen!
My granddaughter is pretty calm by nature, but the mood of her classmates catapulted her into high velocity. My ear was immediately ringing from the high pitch squealing of a group of 4 year old little girls jumping up and down. I had to look twice to see if someone had brought piglets to the class! My granddaughter was part of this group that was furiously assaulting my auditory system.
Two boys were sitting on their haunches with their heads back howling, and when the squealing little girls noticed, they too joined the pack becoming miniature wolves, too, twice as noisey and just as fierce!
Getting my granddaughters attention long enough to give her a good bye hug and kiss was going to be a challenge. I called her name but it went unheard with all of the howling. I decided I would go to her and gently touch her shoulder to get her attention before leaving. I pushed my hand out toward my granddaughter, but was stopped by a growling wolf boy trying to bite me! I jerked my hand back avoiding the jaws of this little beast, afterall, I didn't know if his rabies shot was up to date.
At this point I changed my method of operations, and crouched down and decided I would join the pack. The boy that had attempted to take a bite of me earlier was immediately wise to my plan. Clearly he was the alpha in this pack. I was a little concerned when he crawled over to where I was doing my best at balancing my portly body. I wasn't sure if he was going to attack me or pee on me to mark his territory, clearly these were his omegas and he looked like he was prepared for a fight. I was no match for this ferocious 40 pound wolf boy and he knew it.
I stood up, defeated with my imaginary tail tucked between my legs. Other children were arriving and joining the pack. They had stopped howling but I was sure I could see the alphas nostrils begin to flare. He was sniffing the air! I knew what was next, I watched Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom when I was a kid! I can remember listening to Marlin Perkins voice as he narrated, and I knew when an animal was going to attack. Perkins would speak faster and louder and the hair on my neck would tingle. Well, the hair on my neck was definitely tingling!
I frantically looked for an escape route, or a distraction, I was in luck! There was another grandma dropping off her grandson and she didn't have a clue what was happening 3 feet away from her. I decided I would have a chance if I could get past her. I had heard wolves only go for the weak and the old and I fit into both categories (in the mind of a 4 year old anyway).
Moving slowly, trying not to draw attention to the fact I was trying to escape the jaws of death, I slowly retreated toward the door. The alpha saw me, he was up off his knees, was that drool dripping from his mouth? The others were up too, following his lead. The bell rang! "Saved by the bell" sprang to my mind but not theirs, apparently they hadn't learned that expression yet. The room was loud, too loud. The teacher lifted her arm straight up in the air, the silence was deafening! The wolves all put one arm up and the other arm was lifted in front of their face with the index finger covering their mouth. Who knew?
My granddaughter was herself again, so I kissed and hugged her and quickly walked to the door. I turned my head back to wave and I caught a glimpse of the alpha, he was smiling at me. I was certain I could hear Marlin Perkins say "Well Jim, it looks like it was this grandma's lucky day, but sometime, somewhere, her luck will run out, but until that time she can get life insurance from Mutual of Omaha! For Jim Fowler and myself, this is Marlin Perkins and you have been watching Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.
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