Predictive Sexting!
My husband works afternoons , so I am usually alone in the evening. There is nothing interesting on tv during the summer, so tonight, while I was doing laundry, I thought I would try something different.
I am not a technical person...at all! I have a hard time making my cell phone perform even a few of the things it's supposed to. I can call and text and occasionally take a decent picture. My husband and I try to keep things spicy, and I have heard all this hubbub about sexting, so I thought it might be fun to try it myself.
I went through my contacts, found my husbands cell number and just sat there with my phone in my hands. I didn't know where to begin. I sat there drumming my fingers on my phone, it was one of the first times I didn't know what to say.
I stood up, walked around, shaking my head back and forth, like an athlete getting ready for a big race. I said to myself "You can do this", afterall, I have been married to this man for 26 years!
Over the years, my husband and I have tried different things to season our love life. Some things have been fun, others messy and a few, well, they are just best forgotten! Let me add, clip on earrings....only meant for the ears! Other....areas are hazardous, and will lead to you hopping around, and screaming like a lunatic, while your better half is rolling on the floor laughing so hard he can't catch his breath. Finally, after you do manage to disengage it from your flesh, you are swollen, and humiliated and, your husband can't look at you for the rest of the night without busting a gut, so, sexting should be easy. Like I said, I am not a technical person.
I believe the idea of sexting is to send a short, sexy message. Quick and to the point. There will NEVER EVER be semi nude photos taken or sent, but I would try
to take a selfie of myself. You know the pictures of young girls all over Facebook, with that pouty lip look? I thought I would try that. I found my phone camera and began snapping pictures. After about a dozen pictures, I checked my picture gallery to see my results. Apparently, my camera was turned around somehow, so instead of pictures of me, I took pictures of the TV! I had to figure out how to switch the phone camera around. My daughter fixed it for me 2 weeks ago because I kept taking selfies when I wanted pictures of the kids, and it only took her 10 seconds. I, on the other hand couldn't figure it out after 10 minutes!
Finally, success! I began pouting my lips again and snapped more pictures. I turned my phone around to see how the pictures turned out. All I had were pictures of my eye and hairline. How the heck do people do this so well?
OK, I went to the bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror. I was guaranteed success now! I began 1 more time, but I noticed a blue light glowing on my phone. I turned it around, only to see it was on Video! How does this thing turn off? I think it finally reached its maximum time and turned itself off. I pushed the arrow button and watched 2 minutes of me making the most horrid faces, stomping my feet, all in an attempt to turn off the video recorder. I had spent 35 minutes trying to have fun and be playful and I hadn't even sent out a single text!
I decided to scrap the whole picture thing and decided to concentrate on sending some seriously sexy texts.
I sat back down in the living room and went back into my phones contacts. I found my husband once more and this time the ideas were flowing! Ooh la la honey, you might just get lucky tonight!
I sent my first sext to my husband, and I felt all giddy like a teenager. I was waiting for him to respond and thinking about what I should write next, when I noticed what I sent him "I want to check your necklaces "! What?! That isn't what I texted! I have to make this better, he's going to think I'm drinking! I texted again, and this time, my husband read "I wanted to kick your mom's house "! Oh good grief! I wanted to throw my phone across the room! What is with this stupid predictive text? Even when I auto corrected it, the words still reverted to jibberish!
My husband texted me and asked me what I was talking about. Annoyed, I tried to inform him I was attempting to sext him but my phone wasn't cooperating. I tried to explain what I was doing, but he saw this "Ting to sex you"! "OK, but what are you doing with my mom"? Ugh! "Not with your mom, with you"! He said "We'll talk about it when I get home". This was definitely not the response I was looking for! The idea was for my husband and I to engage in some playful, sexy banter. It seemed a whole lot more appealing than our usual foreplay- my husband pleading with me and exalting all the benefits of having sex every day. This time, it was me initiating and he wasn't getting it. I felt strangely like a man!
I realized there would be no more sexting between us tonight, so I decided to go to bed, and forget about the whole sexting experience.
Sexting, requires a lot more energy and finesse than I have!
I decided since we were going away this weekend, I would try a different approach. Instead of sexting, perhaps I would bring out another earring....for him! I was already beginning to smile!
I am not a technical person...at all! I have a hard time making my cell phone perform even a few of the things it's supposed to. I can call and text and occasionally take a decent picture. My husband and I try to keep things spicy, and I have heard all this hubbub about sexting, so I thought it might be fun to try it myself.
I went through my contacts, found my husbands cell number and just sat there with my phone in my hands. I didn't know where to begin. I sat there drumming my fingers on my phone, it was one of the first times I didn't know what to say.
I stood up, walked around, shaking my head back and forth, like an athlete getting ready for a big race. I said to myself "You can do this", afterall, I have been married to this man for 26 years!
Over the years, my husband and I have tried different things to season our love life. Some things have been fun, others messy and a few, well, they are just best forgotten! Let me add, clip on earrings....only meant for the ears! Other....areas are hazardous, and will lead to you hopping around, and screaming like a lunatic, while your better half is rolling on the floor laughing so hard he can't catch his breath. Finally, after you do manage to disengage it from your flesh, you are swollen, and humiliated and, your husband can't look at you for the rest of the night without busting a gut, so, sexting should be easy. Like I said, I am not a technical person.
I believe the idea of sexting is to send a short, sexy message. Quick and to the point. There will NEVER EVER be semi nude photos taken or sent, but I would try
to take a selfie of myself. You know the pictures of young girls all over Facebook, with that pouty lip look? I thought I would try that. I found my phone camera and began snapping pictures. After about a dozen pictures, I checked my picture gallery to see my results. Apparently, my camera was turned around somehow, so instead of pictures of me, I took pictures of the TV! I had to figure out how to switch the phone camera around. My daughter fixed it for me 2 weeks ago because I kept taking selfies when I wanted pictures of the kids, and it only took her 10 seconds. I, on the other hand couldn't figure it out after 10 minutes!
Finally, success! I began pouting my lips again and snapped more pictures. I turned my phone around to see how the pictures turned out. All I had were pictures of my eye and hairline. How the heck do people do this so well?
OK, I went to the bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror. I was guaranteed success now! I began 1 more time, but I noticed a blue light glowing on my phone. I turned it around, only to see it was on Video! How does this thing turn off? I think it finally reached its maximum time and turned itself off. I pushed the arrow button and watched 2 minutes of me making the most horrid faces, stomping my feet, all in an attempt to turn off the video recorder. I had spent 35 minutes trying to have fun and be playful and I hadn't even sent out a single text!
I decided to scrap the whole picture thing and decided to concentrate on sending some seriously sexy texts.
I sat back down in the living room and went back into my phones contacts. I found my husband once more and this time the ideas were flowing! Ooh la la honey, you might just get lucky tonight!
I sent my first sext to my husband, and I felt all giddy like a teenager. I was waiting for him to respond and thinking about what I should write next, when I noticed what I sent him "I want to check your necklaces "! What?! That isn't what I texted! I have to make this better, he's going to think I'm drinking! I texted again, and this time, my husband read "I wanted to kick your mom's house "! Oh good grief! I wanted to throw my phone across the room! What is with this stupid predictive text? Even when I auto corrected it, the words still reverted to jibberish!
My husband texted me and asked me what I was talking about. Annoyed, I tried to inform him I was attempting to sext him but my phone wasn't cooperating. I tried to explain what I was doing, but he saw this "Ting to sex you"! "OK, but what are you doing with my mom"? Ugh! "Not with your mom, with you"! He said "We'll talk about it when I get home". This was definitely not the response I was looking for! The idea was for my husband and I to engage in some playful, sexy banter. It seemed a whole lot more appealing than our usual foreplay- my husband pleading with me and exalting all the benefits of having sex every day. This time, it was me initiating and he wasn't getting it. I felt strangely like a man!
I realized there would be no more sexting between us tonight, so I decided to go to bed, and forget about the whole sexting experience.
Sexting, requires a lot more energy and finesse than I have!
I decided since we were going away this weekend, I would try a different approach. Instead of sexting, perhaps I would bring out another earring....for him! I was already beginning to smile!
Comments
Post a Comment