Snow À la Carte
Awe autumn...the colourful leaves, Indian summer, cool air, and the cozy scent of a wood burning stove. That's a lovely thought, a genuine Norman Rockwell painting. It is still officially the fall season, winter doesn't begin for five more days, and I have already had enough of this dreaded season! Blowing snow, minus fifteen degree temperatures, icy sidewalks, cleaning off the car, and shoveling the driveway. Ugh! I feel like Charlie Brown and Lucy is calling me a blockhead.
Now I know December comes with colder temperatures and snow. I'm 52, and I've experienced 53 winters, and not one of them have been the same. I love to see the seasons change, I love to see a skiff of snow on the ground and trees in December, it's festive. For the past week, we have been blasted with snow, snow, and more snow, not to mention unseasonably cold temperatures. Why can't we have a gradual progression of winter?
If I was Jack Frost, the first thing I would do would be to change my name. Jack is a great name, but I much prefer Julia Frost. Next, I would paint the windows with lovely swirls of frosty beauty. There would be no blizzards, or gusts of wind...ever. The snow, would be light and powdery, and it could just be swept away, with no shoveling required. I would keep the sidewalks and roads free from all types of ice, and keep all outdoor rinks cold and smooth instead. Hills, and trails would have the perfect amount of snow for sledding and skiing. Snowmobile enthusiasts, too bad for you, your expensive, noise making machine would be banished to the garage!
Alas, Julia Frost, I am not, turns out Jack Frost is just an unsociable, frigid as*hole! He loves to terrorize us with blasts of icy air, and snow. I think he is in cahoots with
Michelin, Columbia, snow resorts, and the travel industry. There's definitely some payola going on there!
The past few summers have been hotter than a hookers armpits, sitting in a confessional, and this weather, well it's perfect for leftovers and holiday turkeys. If I hear one more person say "It's winter, it's supposed to be cold, and snowy." I'll probably wallop them right in the kisser with a huge snowball! Seasonal or not, December or not, I don't care. It's still officially fall. Isn't there some kind of penalty for breaking the contract? For coming early? It works for the banks!
So, we donne our coats, boots, hats and mittens. Our cars need snow tires, minus fifty anti freeze, and snow brushes. We are destined to tromp through the snow, shovel the snow, and curse the snow. We have no choice in the matter.
Wouldn't it be lovely if everyday, we were asked by a weather waiter, "Would you like snow with that?" We could pick our snow, all you can take, à la carte, or non at all. Oh, the sheer beauty of the idea. I don't see that happening in my lifetime, in fact it will be more like my mother's kitchen when I was a child. I hated kidney beans, and my mom used to say "Learn to like it!" Let's just say I still detest kidney beans, and I am feeling the same way about winter. Instead of a weather waiter, I fear it will be more like my my mother's voice echoing I should learn to like winter!
If you are like me, and you're sick of winter already, I understand. If, however, you embrace and love the winter, fuc* off! There's a place for people like you...it's called the Arctic.
Now I know December comes with colder temperatures and snow. I'm 52, and I've experienced 53 winters, and not one of them have been the same. I love to see the seasons change, I love to see a skiff of snow on the ground and trees in December, it's festive. For the past week, we have been blasted with snow, snow, and more snow, not to mention unseasonably cold temperatures. Why can't we have a gradual progression of winter?
If I was Jack Frost, the first thing I would do would be to change my name. Jack is a great name, but I much prefer Julia Frost. Next, I would paint the windows with lovely swirls of frosty beauty. There would be no blizzards, or gusts of wind...ever. The snow, would be light and powdery, and it could just be swept away, with no shoveling required. I would keep the sidewalks and roads free from all types of ice, and keep all outdoor rinks cold and smooth instead. Hills, and trails would have the perfect amount of snow for sledding and skiing. Snowmobile enthusiasts, too bad for you, your expensive, noise making machine would be banished to the garage!
Alas, Julia Frost, I am not, turns out Jack Frost is just an unsociable, frigid as*hole! He loves to terrorize us with blasts of icy air, and snow. I think he is in cahoots with
Michelin, Columbia, snow resorts, and the travel industry. There's definitely some payola going on there!
The past few summers have been hotter than a hookers armpits, sitting in a confessional, and this weather, well it's perfect for leftovers and holiday turkeys. If I hear one more person say "It's winter, it's supposed to be cold, and snowy." I'll probably wallop them right in the kisser with a huge snowball! Seasonal or not, December or not, I don't care. It's still officially fall. Isn't there some kind of penalty for breaking the contract? For coming early? It works for the banks!
So, we donne our coats, boots, hats and mittens. Our cars need snow tires, minus fifty anti freeze, and snow brushes. We are destined to tromp through the snow, shovel the snow, and curse the snow. We have no choice in the matter.
Wouldn't it be lovely if everyday, we were asked by a weather waiter, "Would you like snow with that?" We could pick our snow, all you can take, à la carte, or non at all. Oh, the sheer beauty of the idea. I don't see that happening in my lifetime, in fact it will be more like my mother's kitchen when I was a child. I hated kidney beans, and my mom used to say "Learn to like it!" Let's just say I still detest kidney beans, and I am feeling the same way about winter. Instead of a weather waiter, I fear it will be more like my my mother's voice echoing I should learn to like winter!
If you are like me, and you're sick of winter already, I understand. If, however, you embrace and love the winter, fuc* off! There's a place for people like you...it's called the Arctic.
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