When Grandma Becomes Mom
Being a mother and grandmother has been one of my greatest joys in life. The love a mother has for her children is unlike any other kind of love. It's the mama bear syndrome. You mess with my babies, and you're going to get hurt.
That's the way it was for me, and all of my friends who have children and grandchildren. But what, if a woman doesn't feel that way? What if her hard wiring in her brain is different? Heartache, sadness, and regret are sure to follow.
I know a young woman, with two loving children, who one day decided she no longer wanted to be a full time mother. Her parents are now raising them. They have had to rearrange their life, their home and their future, to parent their grandchildren, because their daughter chooses to be selfish.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It's not just cute, cuddly babies happy to be in their presence. Children have energy, they are learning, they're obstinate and stubborn. They make mistakes and messes. Children require vast amounts of energy from their caregivers. They are a forever obligation. My children are twenty five and twenty four, and they still need their parents.
I guess because I was so in love with being a mom, as well as a grandma, I can't fathom a woman willfully giving up her children. All I think about is how will she feel knowing her children are calling someone else "mommy?" That in itself would kill me. Is this desire for freedom worth the price she and her children have to pay? The unequivocal answer is no.
Unfortunately, our government has made it too easy for women with no income, or spouse to have children. They just throw money at these young women. Nobody threw money at my husband and I when we were raising our children. We paid our own way. Yes, we struggled financially many times, but our children never went without anything. They were always loved and clothed, fed, and clean. My husband and I went without, but it only made our bond stronger. Why do these women deserve to get money for doing things backwards?
Choices can be made, they are a concious decision you make, but consequences are not. Consequences are a result of a person's decision, good or bad, they can't be controlled. This woman will be suffering the consequences of her choices, as will her children and parents. Believe me, no grandparent wants to raise their grandchildren. They've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Grandparents want to be just that, the fun grandma and grandpa that spoil their grandchildren, then send them home.
A mother's love, it's what gives a child their self worth, their first taste of love, she is their feeling of safety, and she is the first one to teach them how to trust. She can either make or break them. It's easy to say "I love you" to your children, it's another to show it. Actions really do speak louder than words.
Children aren't like a pet, you can't just drop them off at a shelter because you changed your mind. They are a lifetime commitment, full of joy, love, tears, and sometimes heartache. If you are blessed, they will return your love ten fold. It is truly the hardest job you will ever do, but so worth it in the end. My friend Char said "Parents have to have a heart of gold." I think she is right.
To all of the moms and dad's struggling to raise your children, congratulations! To all of the grandparents, aunts and uncles or other foster parents raising someone else's children, kudos to you. Know that you are not alone.
That's the way it was for me, and all of my friends who have children and grandchildren. But what, if a woman doesn't feel that way? What if her hard wiring in her brain is different? Heartache, sadness, and regret are sure to follow.
I know a young woman, with two loving children, who one day decided she no longer wanted to be a full time mother. Her parents are now raising them. They have had to rearrange their life, their home and their future, to parent their grandchildren, because their daughter chooses to be selfish.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It's not just cute, cuddly babies happy to be in their presence. Children have energy, they are learning, they're obstinate and stubborn. They make mistakes and messes. Children require vast amounts of energy from their caregivers. They are a forever obligation. My children are twenty five and twenty four, and they still need their parents.
I guess because I was so in love with being a mom, as well as a grandma, I can't fathom a woman willfully giving up her children. All I think about is how will she feel knowing her children are calling someone else "mommy?" That in itself would kill me. Is this desire for freedom worth the price she and her children have to pay? The unequivocal answer is no.
Unfortunately, our government has made it too easy for women with no income, or spouse to have children. They just throw money at these young women. Nobody threw money at my husband and I when we were raising our children. We paid our own way. Yes, we struggled financially many times, but our children never went without anything. They were always loved and clothed, fed, and clean. My husband and I went without, but it only made our bond stronger. Why do these women deserve to get money for doing things backwards?
Choices can be made, they are a concious decision you make, but consequences are not. Consequences are a result of a person's decision, good or bad, they can't be controlled. This woman will be suffering the consequences of her choices, as will her children and parents. Believe me, no grandparent wants to raise their grandchildren. They've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Grandparents want to be just that, the fun grandma and grandpa that spoil their grandchildren, then send them home.
A mother's love, it's what gives a child their self worth, their first taste of love, she is their feeling of safety, and she is the first one to teach them how to trust. She can either make or break them. It's easy to say "I love you" to your children, it's another to show it. Actions really do speak louder than words.
Children aren't like a pet, you can't just drop them off at a shelter because you changed your mind. They are a lifetime commitment, full of joy, love, tears, and sometimes heartache. If you are blessed, they will return your love ten fold. It is truly the hardest job you will ever do, but so worth it in the end. My friend Char said "Parents have to have a heart of gold." I think she is right.
To all of the moms and dad's struggling to raise your children, congratulations! To all of the grandparents, aunts and uncles or other foster parents raising someone else's children, kudos to you. Know that you are not alone.
Comments
Post a Comment