A Noun Life!
I have so many people ask me if everything I write about really happens to me. The answer is absolutely, unequivocally yes. I am a magnet for strange, a bona fide member of the freak elite!
I long for boring, and dull, I really do, but those adjectives are not part of my life. I don't even have adjectives to describe my life! I have gone straight for the big guns, the nouns, like chaos and mayhem.
For instance, last Friday evening, my husband and I took my friend Donna to see her family for the long weekend. It was a great night, clear skies, a beautiful night for a drive. Donna was in the front seat with me, and we were chatting and enjoying ourselves. I was driving, because I am a control freak and drive my husband crazy. As we we were travelling down the highway, I noticed headlights heading straight for us in our lane. At first, I assumed somebody was foolishly passing, dangerously close to oncoming traffic. I automatically take my foot off of the gas pedal when I see a car coming toward me. More of a survival reflex really. So, when it became apparent that this car wasn't passing, but in reality coming straight at us at a rapid, hold your breath pace, I veered to the left. I could hear my daughter talking in my ear, "Mom, don't over-compensate! "
When my daughter was pregnant with my granddaughter, we were taking the sperm donor back to the city where he crawled out from under his slimy rock. We had just had a snow storm, and the highway we were driving on is notorious for poor visibility and driving conditions during winter. My grandchildren's sperms donor, was talking, blah, blah, blah, making me angrier by the second. The angrier I became, the faster I drove, not a good combination, especially during a snow storm. Needless to say, I hit a patch of ice, and our van began its own path of chaos and mayhem. Our van began to swerve, first to the left, then to the right, back and forth, thanks to my skillful Nascar style of driving. I was over compensating! I looked in the rear view mirror, my daughter was bracing herself, the sperm donor, was sitting there, face contorted in fear, that in itself was a thing of beauty, and my husband, sat, ever calm. Our van, finally came to a sudden stop, halfway on the shoulder of the road, and the ditch, after taking out a mail box. I secretly hoped it would be the sperm donors demise, but alas, he survived. More blah, blah, blah from a guy with his only driving experience coming from stealing a car! My daughter, having just finished drivers training, told me I over compensated. She told me, "Small, controlled turns of the steering wheel could have avoided this mom." I never forgot that, and tucked it into my drivers manual in my little gray cells.
Fast forward to last Friday night, a car is rapidly approaching, I swerved, ever so slightly. The car in the oncoming lane, beside me on the left, me, straddling the white line, and the car, travelling sub light speed, on a path of destruction, beside me on the right. For 1 second, we were all perfectly in line, in my Chaos Universe.
I managed to remain calm, which for me is a big thing, my husband was in the back seat, talking loudly, but in sssllloooww motion. Donna, was holding her breath, holding the side of my car. The car passed us on the shoulder, and managed to recover, and get back on the road, and I managed to get back into my lane. For whatever reason, I was very calm, Donna, and my husband, we're not as calm. I almost laughed.
I always love it when someone else is with me, during chaos and mayhem. I like to share my life's vocation. I was particularly excited that I had two people sharing in my madness.
Donna made it to her family's home, safe and a little shaken, and my husband and I went on with our night. It was just another day in my life, but to them, it was scary.
I don't know what types of grammatical words, describe your life, if you are fortunate, they are sweet little verbs, or cute adjectives. If you are like me, and nouns, are what define your everyday life, I understand.
Today, I am going to help my daughter, who is currently suffering with the flu. I have to give my granddaughter a lice treatment, yea, lucky me! My grandson will be trying to help, it will be a guaranteed recipe for chaos and mayhem.
Wish me some verbs and adjectives
today, and not nouns!
I long for boring, and dull, I really do, but those adjectives are not part of my life. I don't even have adjectives to describe my life! I have gone straight for the big guns, the nouns, like chaos and mayhem.
For instance, last Friday evening, my husband and I took my friend Donna to see her family for the long weekend. It was a great night, clear skies, a beautiful night for a drive. Donna was in the front seat with me, and we were chatting and enjoying ourselves. I was driving, because I am a control freak and drive my husband crazy. As we we were travelling down the highway, I noticed headlights heading straight for us in our lane. At first, I assumed somebody was foolishly passing, dangerously close to oncoming traffic. I automatically take my foot off of the gas pedal when I see a car coming toward me. More of a survival reflex really. So, when it became apparent that this car wasn't passing, but in reality coming straight at us at a rapid, hold your breath pace, I veered to the left. I could hear my daughter talking in my ear, "Mom, don't over-compensate! "
When my daughter was pregnant with my granddaughter, we were taking the sperm donor back to the city where he crawled out from under his slimy rock. We had just had a snow storm, and the highway we were driving on is notorious for poor visibility and driving conditions during winter. My grandchildren's sperms donor, was talking, blah, blah, blah, making me angrier by the second. The angrier I became, the faster I drove, not a good combination, especially during a snow storm. Needless to say, I hit a patch of ice, and our van began its own path of chaos and mayhem. Our van began to swerve, first to the left, then to the right, back and forth, thanks to my skillful Nascar style of driving. I was over compensating! I looked in the rear view mirror, my daughter was bracing herself, the sperm donor, was sitting there, face contorted in fear, that in itself was a thing of beauty, and my husband, sat, ever calm. Our van, finally came to a sudden stop, halfway on the shoulder of the road, and the ditch, after taking out a mail box. I secretly hoped it would be the sperm donors demise, but alas, he survived. More blah, blah, blah from a guy with his only driving experience coming from stealing a car! My daughter, having just finished drivers training, told me I over compensated. She told me, "Small, controlled turns of the steering wheel could have avoided this mom." I never forgot that, and tucked it into my drivers manual in my little gray cells.
Fast forward to last Friday night, a car is rapidly approaching, I swerved, ever so slightly. The car in the oncoming lane, beside me on the left, me, straddling the white line, and the car, travelling sub light speed, on a path of destruction, beside me on the right. For 1 second, we were all perfectly in line, in my Chaos Universe.
I managed to remain calm, which for me is a big thing, my husband was in the back seat, talking loudly, but in sssllloooww motion. Donna, was holding her breath, holding the side of my car. The car passed us on the shoulder, and managed to recover, and get back on the road, and I managed to get back into my lane. For whatever reason, I was very calm, Donna, and my husband, we're not as calm. I almost laughed.
I always love it when someone else is with me, during chaos and mayhem. I like to share my life's vocation. I was particularly excited that I had two people sharing in my madness.
Donna made it to her family's home, safe and a little shaken, and my husband and I went on with our night. It was just another day in my life, but to them, it was scary.
I don't know what types of grammatical words, describe your life, if you are fortunate, they are sweet little verbs, or cute adjectives. If you are like me, and nouns, are what define your everyday life, I understand.
Today, I am going to help my daughter, who is currently suffering with the flu. I have to give my granddaughter a lice treatment, yea, lucky me! My grandson will be trying to help, it will be a guaranteed recipe for chaos and mayhem.
Wish me some verbs and adjectives
today, and not nouns!
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