Friends and Acquaintances, Knowing the Difference.
I was recently speaking with an acquaintance I haven't seen in a long while. After, our mutual greetings, we of course asked how one another was doing.
My smile, disappeared immediately when I saw the pained look on her face, and tears stream down her face. I knew something was wrong. Taking her by the arm, I lead her to a quiet corner, so she could speak in private.
Emotion, and heartache taking over, her flood gates opened wide, her body racked with sobs. I was mortified that a simple salutation could instill such notable pain.
I suggested a walk to my car and a cup of tea. To me, everything can be eased with a steaming cup of Orange Pekoe. Shaking her head yes, because speaking was impossible for her at this point, we climbed into my car. I drove, and bought us a each a tea, then drove to a quiet park, turned my car off and just let her cry.
After a few minutes, and a good nose blowing, she began to talk. Quietly at first, but then she became louder and spoke so quickly, I had a hard time keeping up. It took 20 minutes to get everything out, and when she finished, she sighed deeply and sat quietly with her head down.
She explained that her daughter had just come home from drug rehab. She had been gone for 6 weeks, she had gained some much needed weight and she looked better than she had in years. The problem was all of her friends had ostracized her. All of them. She felt alone, and she was struggling with depression.
I sat there, looking at this woman who I had known for years, but never really knew in the intimate way a good friend know another good friend. I didn't know what to say to make her feel better.
I took a deep breath, And thought about what a mess this woman was, sitting beside me. She needed words of wisdom, but I didn't know any, nor what to say. I took her hands, and said just that. "I don't know what to say."
I understood where she was coming from. My daughter went through a battle of drug addiction as well. However, my experience wasn't the same as hers, all I knew for sure was they would get through it together if they were willing to fight.
I began telling her of my experience with my daughter. It was hard to believe it had been 7 years ago. My husband and I went through our own hell, and anyone who has experienced drug addiction in their own family will attest, it is hell.
My daughter left her circle of friends, all of them. She chose to separate herself from everyone, not to be alone, but to gain her own inner strength and find out who she was as a person.
As I continued to tell my story, I suggested to this distraught woman, that it was a good thing her daughters friends no longer called or visited. She looked at me like I had 3 heads, but I continued on in spite of the "You're crazy look!" "Perhaps", I said, "Your daughter's friends can't be around her because they are still doing drugs, so, being around your daughter is a constant reminder that they haven't come to terms with their own addiction. Lets face it, to them, your daughter is a real downer. They only want to be around like minded people now." I tried to reassure her that it was a good thing. Her daughter didn't need the pressure of relapsing, or the negative influence. She agreed to that point, but told me even her daughters old friends that didn't do drug, rejected her as well. "Yes, I bet." was my response to her. I explained that they probably either didn't trust the fact she was clean, or maybe they really weren't that good of friends to begin with. She shook her no. "These girls have known my daughter since grade school." I looked at her sympathetically. "Length of time has no bearing on the quality of a friendship. This seemed to give her some solace.
I drove her back to her car, and I bid her farewell, praying she and her daughter would get through this, and come out stronger because of it.
As a mother, you only want what's best for your child. So, when they hurt, you hurt. The idea of your grown child, being alone and depressed isn't what we envisioned when we held them in our arms for the first time.
Being a mom doesn't end because our children are grown. We are always their mom, and they are always our children. We want nothing more than our adult children to succeed and feel loved and secure. But, in reality, that is not always the case.
My daughter recovered, on her own, with the help of her immediate family and a lot of hard work. Her old friends, are no longer part of her life, and that's OK. She is a well adjusted, strong woman now with a heck of a story to tell. She has a few good friends, that are there for her. They know her past, and love her anyway.
I don't know what will happen with this woman or her daughter, it all depends on them. I know from personal experience, it takes determination and steel grit, for the recovering addict, and faith and wisdom for their family. I do wish them the best.
I believe the term "friend" is used too much. An acquaintance isn't a friend, a friend is someone who is there for you no matter what. A friend will lift you up when you're down, or kick your butt when you are being a jerk. A friend is a friend. There will always be fair weather friends, willing to share in your success or spoils. A friend will be there, after coming home from rehab, quitting drinking, or during drug withdrawal. A friend will hold the bucket while you puke. If they don't, they were never your friend.
Take care of your friends, be loyal to them, and tell them you love and appreciate them. I tell my friends, Char and Shelley I love them all the time. I don't know what I would do without them.
My mom used to quote a poem by Joseph Perry, when I was growing up. She told me, if I lived my life by this poem, I would be a good friend, and always have a good friend.
New Friends and Old Friends
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.
Friendships that have stood the test -
Time and change -are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray,
Friendship never knows decay.
For 'mid old friends, tried and true,
Once more we, our youth renew.
But old friends, alas! may die,
New friends must their place supply.
Cherish friendship in your breast -
New is good, but old is best.
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
My smile, disappeared immediately when I saw the pained look on her face, and tears stream down her face. I knew something was wrong. Taking her by the arm, I lead her to a quiet corner, so she could speak in private.
Emotion, and heartache taking over, her flood gates opened wide, her body racked with sobs. I was mortified that a simple salutation could instill such notable pain.
I suggested a walk to my car and a cup of tea. To me, everything can be eased with a steaming cup of Orange Pekoe. Shaking her head yes, because speaking was impossible for her at this point, we climbed into my car. I drove, and bought us a each a tea, then drove to a quiet park, turned my car off and just let her cry.
After a few minutes, and a good nose blowing, she began to talk. Quietly at first, but then she became louder and spoke so quickly, I had a hard time keeping up. It took 20 minutes to get everything out, and when she finished, she sighed deeply and sat quietly with her head down.
She explained that her daughter had just come home from drug rehab. She had been gone for 6 weeks, she had gained some much needed weight and she looked better than she had in years. The problem was all of her friends had ostracized her. All of them. She felt alone, and she was struggling with depression.
I sat there, looking at this woman who I had known for years, but never really knew in the intimate way a good friend know another good friend. I didn't know what to say to make her feel better.
I took a deep breath, And thought about what a mess this woman was, sitting beside me. She needed words of wisdom, but I didn't know any, nor what to say. I took her hands, and said just that. "I don't know what to say."
I understood where she was coming from. My daughter went through a battle of drug addiction as well. However, my experience wasn't the same as hers, all I knew for sure was they would get through it together if they were willing to fight.
I began telling her of my experience with my daughter. It was hard to believe it had been 7 years ago. My husband and I went through our own hell, and anyone who has experienced drug addiction in their own family will attest, it is hell.
My daughter left her circle of friends, all of them. She chose to separate herself from everyone, not to be alone, but to gain her own inner strength and find out who she was as a person.
As I continued to tell my story, I suggested to this distraught woman, that it was a good thing her daughters friends no longer called or visited. She looked at me like I had 3 heads, but I continued on in spite of the "You're crazy look!" "Perhaps", I said, "Your daughter's friends can't be around her because they are still doing drugs, so, being around your daughter is a constant reminder that they haven't come to terms with their own addiction. Lets face it, to them, your daughter is a real downer. They only want to be around like minded people now." I tried to reassure her that it was a good thing. Her daughter didn't need the pressure of relapsing, or the negative influence. She agreed to that point, but told me even her daughters old friends that didn't do drug, rejected her as well. "Yes, I bet." was my response to her. I explained that they probably either didn't trust the fact she was clean, or maybe they really weren't that good of friends to begin with. She shook her no. "These girls have known my daughter since grade school." I looked at her sympathetically. "Length of time has no bearing on the quality of a friendship. This seemed to give her some solace.
I drove her back to her car, and I bid her farewell, praying she and her daughter would get through this, and come out stronger because of it.
As a mother, you only want what's best for your child. So, when they hurt, you hurt. The idea of your grown child, being alone and depressed isn't what we envisioned when we held them in our arms for the first time.
Being a mom doesn't end because our children are grown. We are always their mom, and they are always our children. We want nothing more than our adult children to succeed and feel loved and secure. But, in reality, that is not always the case.
My daughter recovered, on her own, with the help of her immediate family and a lot of hard work. Her old friends, are no longer part of her life, and that's OK. She is a well adjusted, strong woman now with a heck of a story to tell. She has a few good friends, that are there for her. They know her past, and love her anyway.
I don't know what will happen with this woman or her daughter, it all depends on them. I know from personal experience, it takes determination and steel grit, for the recovering addict, and faith and wisdom for their family. I do wish them the best.
I believe the term "friend" is used too much. An acquaintance isn't a friend, a friend is someone who is there for you no matter what. A friend will lift you up when you're down, or kick your butt when you are being a jerk. A friend is a friend. There will always be fair weather friends, willing to share in your success or spoils. A friend will be there, after coming home from rehab, quitting drinking, or during drug withdrawal. A friend will hold the bucket while you puke. If they don't, they were never your friend.
Take care of your friends, be loyal to them, and tell them you love and appreciate them. I tell my friends, Char and Shelley I love them all the time. I don't know what I would do without them.
My mom used to quote a poem by Joseph Perry, when I was growing up. She told me, if I lived my life by this poem, I would be a good friend, and always have a good friend.
New Friends and Old Friends
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.
Friendships that have stood the test -
Time and change -are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray,
Friendship never knows decay.
For 'mid old friends, tried and true,
Once more we, our youth renew.
But old friends, alas! may die,
New friends must their place supply.
Cherish friendship in your breast -
New is good, but old is best.
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
Your a really good person I enjoy reading your blog's keep it up
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. 😊
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