Choosing Happiness
Why is it when someone asks for advice, we don't necessarily have the perfect words of wisdom or encouragement? Well, I don't, I try but while I'm looking for the perfect thing to say, my mind goes on a sabbatical.
Yesterday, my daughter
shared with me how she wants to feel normal. I asked her to define normal. She said "Mom, I just want to feel happy everyday, like everyone else." At hearing that, I pretty much spit and sputtered. I was driving at the time, so I had to pay attention to what I was doing. I listened to her talk about how unhappy she is.
As I listened, I kept thinking to myself, nobody is happy every minute of every day, and if they are, it's drug induced. I'm certainly not. I let her vent for a few minutes before I gave her my words of wisdom. It took less than thirty seconds.
My daughter looked at me with her big brown eyes, expecting me to lovingly give her words of encouragement. I bluntly told her "Life isn't about always being happy. Life is hard work, full of sacrifice, difficult choices, tears and heartache. But, it's the little moments of joy that make life so wonderful." My daughter sat quietly for a few moments, then asked "You aren't always happy?" "No!" I told her. She had that look on her face as if she had just been slapped. "I can't believe it, you always seem...so happy." "I am happy, just not every second."
I could see my daughter was struggling with my explanation so I knew I had to use an analogy. "Imagine drinking your coffee, you like two sugars, and two cream. Why do you drink it like that?" My daughter curled her lip and said sarcastically "Because I like it like that." "Yes." I said, but when you first tried coffee, you didn't know what how you liked to drink it. It was trial and error. Why don't you drink your coffee with ten sugars?" I asked her. "Ten?" My daughter yelled. "Eew, that would be too sweet and I wouldn't be able to drink it." "Exactly!" I said. "Coffee is the same as life. You need to have a little bit of bitter with the sweet. You still want to taste the flavour of the coffee, but you need to sweeten it up a bit. Everyday life is like black coffee, a little bitter, and strong, but with a dribble of cream and sugar, it is good to drink. The moments of joy in your day, funny things that happen, the kisses and hugs from your children, feeling the sun shine on your face, seeing a beautiful sunset, dancing in your kitchen to your favourite song, a good cup of coffee...those things are the cream and sugar. Too much sugar, makes it undrinkable, and it taints the taste of the coffee."
My daughter, understanding my analogy, looked at me and said sarcastically "Yes, but what about the people that like plain black coffee?" I told her "Those are the people on drugs, just ignore them." She laughed, and I told her "See, here is a little more sweet for your day."
I dropped my daughter and my grandson off at their place and I drove home. I thought about my daughters perception of what she thought life should be. I hoped I had made it clear to her that happiness isnt just something you have. It's what you chose to see, feel and find. Sometimes you have to look for it, and be content with what you have.
Happiness and joy are fleeting moments in our day, to keep us going. I don't think life was meant to be happy all of the time, but I do believe it should be measured in percentages. Overall, once everything is added up, the good, bad, and boring, hopefully, it equals out to a happy life.
Yesterday, my daughter
shared with me how she wants to feel normal. I asked her to define normal. She said "Mom, I just want to feel happy everyday, like everyone else." At hearing that, I pretty much spit and sputtered. I was driving at the time, so I had to pay attention to what I was doing. I listened to her talk about how unhappy she is.
As I listened, I kept thinking to myself, nobody is happy every minute of every day, and if they are, it's drug induced. I'm certainly not. I let her vent for a few minutes before I gave her my words of wisdom. It took less than thirty seconds.
My daughter looked at me with her big brown eyes, expecting me to lovingly give her words of encouragement. I bluntly told her "Life isn't about always being happy. Life is hard work, full of sacrifice, difficult choices, tears and heartache. But, it's the little moments of joy that make life so wonderful." My daughter sat quietly for a few moments, then asked "You aren't always happy?" "No!" I told her. She had that look on her face as if she had just been slapped. "I can't believe it, you always seem...so happy." "I am happy, just not every second."
I could see my daughter was struggling with my explanation so I knew I had to use an analogy. "Imagine drinking your coffee, you like two sugars, and two cream. Why do you drink it like that?" My daughter curled her lip and said sarcastically "Because I like it like that." "Yes." I said, but when you first tried coffee, you didn't know what how you liked to drink it. It was trial and error. Why don't you drink your coffee with ten sugars?" I asked her. "Ten?" My daughter yelled. "Eew, that would be too sweet and I wouldn't be able to drink it." "Exactly!" I said. "Coffee is the same as life. You need to have a little bit of bitter with the sweet. You still want to taste the flavour of the coffee, but you need to sweeten it up a bit. Everyday life is like black coffee, a little bitter, and strong, but with a dribble of cream and sugar, it is good to drink. The moments of joy in your day, funny things that happen, the kisses and hugs from your children, feeling the sun shine on your face, seeing a beautiful sunset, dancing in your kitchen to your favourite song, a good cup of coffee...those things are the cream and sugar. Too much sugar, makes it undrinkable, and it taints the taste of the coffee."
My daughter, understanding my analogy, looked at me and said sarcastically "Yes, but what about the people that like plain black coffee?" I told her "Those are the people on drugs, just ignore them." She laughed, and I told her "See, here is a little more sweet for your day."
I dropped my daughter and my grandson off at their place and I drove home. I thought about my daughters perception of what she thought life should be. I hoped I had made it clear to her that happiness isnt just something you have. It's what you chose to see, feel and find. Sometimes you have to look for it, and be content with what you have.
Happiness and joy are fleeting moments in our day, to keep us going. I don't think life was meant to be happy all of the time, but I do believe it should be measured in percentages. Overall, once everything is added up, the good, bad, and boring, hopefully, it equals out to a happy life.
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