Grandstanding Glory
I was speaking with an acquaintance
recently. After our initial salutations of hello, how have you been, our conversation was delegated to how is your family. Being as I have known this person and her brother for thirty years, I asked how he was doing too.
Her face became long and sullen as she proceeded to tell me that she never talks to him anymore. I felt terrible for her, because I too know what it's like to have family members not speak to me.
After her initial rant, she told me that the only time she does hear from her brother is when he texts her to gloat. She told me that the week before, after not hearing from him for three months, he texted her a picture of his new Lexus. "The only reason he texts me at all is to tell me how well he's doing, or how much money he made on a business deal, or what new thing he has just acquired.
I listened to her talk about how he only wants to brag, and he never asks about her or her family. She was clearly frustrated and hurt. "My niece is in her second year of law school, and she has already received an internship at one of the top ten law firms in the province. My daughter, flunked out after her first semester!" Wow, she was on a roll.
She asked me why people feel the need to brag about how well themselves and their family are doing. It was a rhetorical question, she didn't really want me to answer, she just needed to vent.
After she was finished, she asked me what I thought, so I gave her my opinion. "I think," I said "That people like your brother work very hard to achieve what they have, and they are proud. They think it's a huge accomplishment and they want to share it." She wasn't buying my explanation. She was looking at me through squinted eyes as she said sarcastically "He doesn't want to share, he's an egotistical, materialistic as*hole!"
I shook my head yes, and told her "I'm sure he is, but the fact that he is communicating with you, tells me he cares about your opinion. It's important to him that you are proud of him, boasting or not.
She was shaking her head no, and she was saying "No way, he wants me to feel bad." "Feel bad?" I asked, "Why would you feel bad about your brother and his family's success?" She just stood there staring at me, "Because he wants me to feel jealous." "Are you?" I asked her. She dropped her head down and shook her head and said "Maybe."
There it was, the truth was on the table. I completely understood, I had felt that in the past, envy is a horible monster that brings out the worst in people.
I have learned from experience that you can let jealousy eat you up, or you can congratulate the person and be sincerely happy for them. We can't judge someone else's success by our failures, that just isn't justified.
There will always be someone who is smarter, richer, more successful, thinner, than us, and have seemingly perfect children. The majority of us aren't that fortunate.
These so called perfect people have probably worked very hard to get where they are, and we are the ones putting them up on a pedestal. Maybe they are gloating, and maybe they are trying to make us jealous, but we are the ones allowing them to make us feel inferior. The thing about placing someone on a pedestal, is gravity will eventually catch up with them.
Remember that old saying the bigger they are, the harder they fall? Nobody can stay on top forever. Regardless, each one of us has the power to be positive or negative.
recently. After our initial salutations of hello, how have you been, our conversation was delegated to how is your family. Being as I have known this person and her brother for thirty years, I asked how he was doing too.
Her face became long and sullen as she proceeded to tell me that she never talks to him anymore. I felt terrible for her, because I too know what it's like to have family members not speak to me.
After her initial rant, she told me that the only time she does hear from her brother is when he texts her to gloat. She told me that the week before, after not hearing from him for three months, he texted her a picture of his new Lexus. "The only reason he texts me at all is to tell me how well he's doing, or how much money he made on a business deal, or what new thing he has just acquired.
I listened to her talk about how he only wants to brag, and he never asks about her or her family. She was clearly frustrated and hurt. "My niece is in her second year of law school, and she has already received an internship at one of the top ten law firms in the province. My daughter, flunked out after her first semester!" Wow, she was on a roll.
She asked me why people feel the need to brag about how well themselves and their family are doing. It was a rhetorical question, she didn't really want me to answer, she just needed to vent.
After she was finished, she asked me what I thought, so I gave her my opinion. "I think," I said "That people like your brother work very hard to achieve what they have, and they are proud. They think it's a huge accomplishment and they want to share it." She wasn't buying my explanation. She was looking at me through squinted eyes as she said sarcastically "He doesn't want to share, he's an egotistical, materialistic as*hole!"
I shook my head yes, and told her "I'm sure he is, but the fact that he is communicating with you, tells me he cares about your opinion. It's important to him that you are proud of him, boasting or not.
She was shaking her head no, and she was saying "No way, he wants me to feel bad." "Feel bad?" I asked, "Why would you feel bad about your brother and his family's success?" She just stood there staring at me, "Because he wants me to feel jealous." "Are you?" I asked her. She dropped her head down and shook her head and said "Maybe."
There it was, the truth was on the table. I completely understood, I had felt that in the past, envy is a horible monster that brings out the worst in people.
I have learned from experience that you can let jealousy eat you up, or you can congratulate the person and be sincerely happy for them. We can't judge someone else's success by our failures, that just isn't justified.
There will always be someone who is smarter, richer, more successful, thinner, than us, and have seemingly perfect children. The majority of us aren't that fortunate.
These so called perfect people have probably worked very hard to get where they are, and we are the ones putting them up on a pedestal. Maybe they are gloating, and maybe they are trying to make us jealous, but we are the ones allowing them to make us feel inferior. The thing about placing someone on a pedestal, is gravity will eventually catch up with them.
Remember that old saying the bigger they are, the harder they fall? Nobody can stay on top forever. Regardless, each one of us has the power to be positive or negative.
How true
ReplyDeleteWell it's worth a try.
ReplyDelete