Misery, Memories, and Miracles,
I spent Saturday night in the ER. It seems I have a nasty lung infection that has been causing me a great deal of pain the past few days.
In light of my past heart issues, doctors and nurses go into a bit of tizzy when they see me. If they aren't familiar with who I am, their eyes get very large when they ask my health history. EKG's and a quick slurry of tests are performed to rule out any further heart troubles. Needless to say, this past Saturday night was no different.
In between x-rays and blood tests, I was reminiscent to this exact night 5 years before. My daughter was in labour, awaiting the birth of her daughter. Our own little piece of heaven.
I remembered the pain, and the look in my daughters eyes as she was giving birth. I can only describe that look as awestruck. Any woman who has pushed a baby into the world understands that feeling. Pain? Definitely. Burning? Without a doubt. Total disbelief that your body is doing this? That's where the look of awestruck comes in. That moment after you have embraced the pain, accepted that burning ring of fire, but before the baby is born. It's the sense of empowerment you have when you realize it's just you doing this. Forget the doctors, nurses, and birth coach. It's you doing all of the work, your body takes over and you are just awestruck.
As I sat in my hospital bed, leaning my head forward to ease my pain, I concentrated on that memory. I needed something to get my mind off of the pain and yes, my fear.
Over the past 20 years, I have been admitted into the hospital with my heart more times than I care to count. If I did, it would probably be close to a year, if all of the days were added together.
Thankfully, on March 21, 2012, I had my last heart surgery. Finally, my heart seemed to be okay. So, I haven't had the need to be sitting in an ER in over 4 years. Oh how quickly fear comes flooding back, for me anyway. I have been poked, prodded and cardioverted more times while concious than sedated. It hurts! A lot! Especially when the first 1...2...3...attemps fail. The one word, that caused chills to run through my body while waiting for that 4th hit.? Clear! I tried to brace myself, but nothing prepared me for the transport truck that hit me every time. Oh yes, the memories, and the fear that I may have to endure that again.
Thankfully, my heart was behaving and all I had was a virus causing inflammation around my lungs. It still hurt, but it could have been much, much worse. I have experienced worse.
Once again, I was catapulted back 5 years, my daughter was frantically breathing through her contractions. They seemed so much worse than mine ever were. She did it all natural, but I could tell she was coming to the end of her pain threshold. It was time to push, she looked at me, I was her focus which terrified me. I wanted to scream "Don't look at me, I don't know nuthin' bout birthin' no babies! " I didn't of course, I calmly told her to breathe.
Her eyes never left mine, I felt her pain, her vulnerability, but most of all I felt her strength. She pushed her daughter into the world on September 25, at 1:55 am. It was amazing, a true miracle. I watched my baby turn into a mother. It was a bittersweet feeling, full of emotions.
The doctor walked into my room, and I was brought back to the here and now. A prescription later, and a discussion about the next few days, and I was on my way home. My mind turned to thoughts of my granddaughter, and the past 5 years. Our family has certainly been blessed with the addition of that little girl.
Nobody enjoys being in the hospital, it's a stressful situation for the best of us. Thankfully, a good staff of dedicated doctors and nurses, help us through our medical issues, with little or no trouble.
If you are blessed, once in a while, you just may be witness to a miracle in the walls of that same building. A miracle, weighing 7 pounds, 11 ounces, measuring 19 inches long, looking directly into your eyes, trying to find her place in this new world, a miracle that will change your life forever!
In light of my past heart issues, doctors and nurses go into a bit of tizzy when they see me. If they aren't familiar with who I am, their eyes get very large when they ask my health history. EKG's and a quick slurry of tests are performed to rule out any further heart troubles. Needless to say, this past Saturday night was no different.
In between x-rays and blood tests, I was reminiscent to this exact night 5 years before. My daughter was in labour, awaiting the birth of her daughter. Our own little piece of heaven.
I remembered the pain, and the look in my daughters eyes as she was giving birth. I can only describe that look as awestruck. Any woman who has pushed a baby into the world understands that feeling. Pain? Definitely. Burning? Without a doubt. Total disbelief that your body is doing this? That's where the look of awestruck comes in. That moment after you have embraced the pain, accepted that burning ring of fire, but before the baby is born. It's the sense of empowerment you have when you realize it's just you doing this. Forget the doctors, nurses, and birth coach. It's you doing all of the work, your body takes over and you are just awestruck.
As I sat in my hospital bed, leaning my head forward to ease my pain, I concentrated on that memory. I needed something to get my mind off of the pain and yes, my fear.
Over the past 20 years, I have been admitted into the hospital with my heart more times than I care to count. If I did, it would probably be close to a year, if all of the days were added together.
Thankfully, on March 21, 2012, I had my last heart surgery. Finally, my heart seemed to be okay. So, I haven't had the need to be sitting in an ER in over 4 years. Oh how quickly fear comes flooding back, for me anyway. I have been poked, prodded and cardioverted more times while concious than sedated. It hurts! A lot! Especially when the first 1...2...3...attemps fail. The one word, that caused chills to run through my body while waiting for that 4th hit.? Clear! I tried to brace myself, but nothing prepared me for the transport truck that hit me every time. Oh yes, the memories, and the fear that I may have to endure that again.
Thankfully, my heart was behaving and all I had was a virus causing inflammation around my lungs. It still hurt, but it could have been much, much worse. I have experienced worse.
Once again, I was catapulted back 5 years, my daughter was frantically breathing through her contractions. They seemed so much worse than mine ever were. She did it all natural, but I could tell she was coming to the end of her pain threshold. It was time to push, she looked at me, I was her focus which terrified me. I wanted to scream "Don't look at me, I don't know nuthin' bout birthin' no babies! " I didn't of course, I calmly told her to breathe.
Her eyes never left mine, I felt her pain, her vulnerability, but most of all I felt her strength. She pushed her daughter into the world on September 25, at 1:55 am. It was amazing, a true miracle. I watched my baby turn into a mother. It was a bittersweet feeling, full of emotions.
The doctor walked into my room, and I was brought back to the here and now. A prescription later, and a discussion about the next few days, and I was on my way home. My mind turned to thoughts of my granddaughter, and the past 5 years. Our family has certainly been blessed with the addition of that little girl.
Nobody enjoys being in the hospital, it's a stressful situation for the best of us. Thankfully, a good staff of dedicated doctors and nurses, help us through our medical issues, with little or no trouble.
If you are blessed, once in a while, you just may be witness to a miracle in the walls of that same building. A miracle, weighing 7 pounds, 11 ounces, measuring 19 inches long, looking directly into your eyes, trying to find her place in this new world, a miracle that will change your life forever!
My little miracle !
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