Buzz Off Bee!
In my dedication to get in shape, I try to walk everyday. It seems to be getting easier, and I have found my energy has improved.
As always, I leave for my walk after my husband leaves for work. It breaks up the afternoon, and prevents the 3 o' clock sleepiness that always seems to rear its ugly head. Yesterday, was no different, as far as my walking schedule anyway.
I was half way through my walk, the sun was out, there was a nice breeze and best of all, not a teenager, or a water gun in sight. I turned a corner, onto a quiet, shaded cul-de-sac, each house with beautiful landscaping. I love this part of my daily journey. There is one particular house, with a garden that stretches all the way toward the sidewalk. It has the most magnificent pink Butterfly Bush, with dozens of fragrant, cone shaped flowers gracing it. As usual, I stopped for a moment, and bent my face down to breath in its heady scent of pink blossoms. Mmmm, my olfactory sense was exploding with its lucious perfume. My delight, immediately ceased, as my right nostril was filled with an electric missile. I stood up, grabbing my face, and, by pure reflex, my nose began to purge whatever was inside it. I expelled what looked like a long, skinny black bee.
Yeow! I felt like acid was being shot up my nostril, and it was heading for my brain. My eyes began to water, and I had to grab the pretty bush so I wouldn't fall.
That was mistake number 2. I experienced a hot piercing pain on the inside of my middle finger of my right hand. It was on fire! I stuck my finger in my mouth, a futile attempt to stop it from stinging. I managed to open my eyes, but I heard the buzzing before I saw or felt the next assault. Bam, my neck was next. My brain asked "What the heck is that?" My body said "Who cares, run!"
I began walking away from the site of the attack, my mind was racing, my nose, finger, and neck were burning from whatever stung me. More buzzing, my mind said "Don't look back, just run!" My body said "That's easy for you to say, you're tucked away safe inside my skull, the rest of us are exposed! Turn, find it, kill the little bastard!" My body won, I turned around and couldn't see a thing. Maybe it was over, I turned back and felt a hot sting on the back of my right arm. Owww! I could see it, it was the same skinny black bee thing I snorted out of my nose. It was flying and buzzing around me like a Japanese kamikazi.
"Don't you things die after you sting someone?" I muttered. Isn't that a law of nature? I began flailing my arms around, hoping to swat the little terrorist. I could hear the buzzing, but in between swatting and trying to protect my head, I couldn't see it. "Incoming!" Bam! The back of my hand began to sting, I began running now, trying to outrun this tiny, flying bullet.
A couple houses, away, on the far side of the cul-de-sac, was a sprinkler watering the front lawn. "Oh, thank you Jesus!" I cried, running into it. It was one of those, low type sprinklers that spin around. My body screamed "That's great, if you're expecting an attack on your feet! What about the rest of us?" My brain kicked into action, "Right, roll, roll around, drown the little rat!" I took my brains advice.
I threw myself down on the ground, mimicking the Stop, drop and roll motto. My brain said "You're not on fire, stupid!" My body screamed "Shut the hell up, our nose, neck, finger, arm, and hand are burning with evil venom! Keep on rolling!" I did.
My head was buzzing, I was soaking wet, and my nose hurt so bad, I could hardly see. I stopped rolling and sat still, listening. No buzzing! My brain was gloating "See, it's gone, get up you wuss!" My body started to argue "Let me open up our scalp, and let it sting you 5 different times! Shut up and listen!" I did.
The only noise was the wack, wack, wack from the sprinkler, and my breathing. I opened my one eye and looked around. I couldn't see it. I managed to haul myself up off of the grass and wiped my face off.
My nostril was beginning to swell, and my face felt like molten lava was being poured on it. My finger was red and puffy, as was my hand. I couldn't see my neck or my arm but they were burning too.
I walked the rest of the way home, dripping wet, my right eye closed, sucking my finger, totally defeated. In my attempt to get in shape, and be healthy, I sabotaged my efforts to smell a flower.
As I approached my front lawn, I bent down and picked up a handful of dirt. I added some water, turning into a muddy paste, after which I packed it on my finger, neck, arm, and hand. I didn't try my nose, that would require something else. I unlocked the door, kicked off my wet shoes and peeled off my socks. I opened up the bathroom cupboard and pulled out a tampon. After soaking it with Polysporen, I gently pushed it in my right nostril. I stood back and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like I had been in a battle. My face was red and hot to the touch, my neck, arm, and hand were swollen and red as well. My middle finger, well it's my driving finger, I need it for signaling stupid drivers. It was throbbing. Best of all, I had a tampon halfway up my nose.
I went outside and sat at my patio table for a few minutes, trying to dry off. Tomorrow, I will not even turn onto that cul-de-sac. Tomorrow, I will not smell any flowers, tomorrow I will be saturated with insect repellent and I will be carrying Bee and Wasp spray.
Today, I sit, a little wet, and muddy, beat up, but not beat. Today, I sit with a tampon up my nose, today, I am victorious!
As always, I leave for my walk after my husband leaves for work. It breaks up the afternoon, and prevents the 3 o' clock sleepiness that always seems to rear its ugly head. Yesterday, was no different, as far as my walking schedule anyway.
I was half way through my walk, the sun was out, there was a nice breeze and best of all, not a teenager, or a water gun in sight. I turned a corner, onto a quiet, shaded cul-de-sac, each house with beautiful landscaping. I love this part of my daily journey. There is one particular house, with a garden that stretches all the way toward the sidewalk. It has the most magnificent pink Butterfly Bush, with dozens of fragrant, cone shaped flowers gracing it. As usual, I stopped for a moment, and bent my face down to breath in its heady scent of pink blossoms. Mmmm, my olfactory sense was exploding with its lucious perfume. My delight, immediately ceased, as my right nostril was filled with an electric missile. I stood up, grabbing my face, and, by pure reflex, my nose began to purge whatever was inside it. I expelled what looked like a long, skinny black bee.
Yeow! I felt like acid was being shot up my nostril, and it was heading for my brain. My eyes began to water, and I had to grab the pretty bush so I wouldn't fall.
That was mistake number 2. I experienced a hot piercing pain on the inside of my middle finger of my right hand. It was on fire! I stuck my finger in my mouth, a futile attempt to stop it from stinging. I managed to open my eyes, but I heard the buzzing before I saw or felt the next assault. Bam, my neck was next. My brain asked "What the heck is that?" My body said "Who cares, run!"
I began walking away from the site of the attack, my mind was racing, my nose, finger, and neck were burning from whatever stung me. More buzzing, my mind said "Don't look back, just run!" My body said "That's easy for you to say, you're tucked away safe inside my skull, the rest of us are exposed! Turn, find it, kill the little bastard!" My body won, I turned around and couldn't see a thing. Maybe it was over, I turned back and felt a hot sting on the back of my right arm. Owww! I could see it, it was the same skinny black bee thing I snorted out of my nose. It was flying and buzzing around me like a Japanese kamikazi.
"Don't you things die after you sting someone?" I muttered. Isn't that a law of nature? I began flailing my arms around, hoping to swat the little terrorist. I could hear the buzzing, but in between swatting and trying to protect my head, I couldn't see it. "Incoming!" Bam! The back of my hand began to sting, I began running now, trying to outrun this tiny, flying bullet.
A couple houses, away, on the far side of the cul-de-sac, was a sprinkler watering the front lawn. "Oh, thank you Jesus!" I cried, running into it. It was one of those, low type sprinklers that spin around. My body screamed "That's great, if you're expecting an attack on your feet! What about the rest of us?" My brain kicked into action, "Right, roll, roll around, drown the little rat!" I took my brains advice.
I threw myself down on the ground, mimicking the Stop, drop and roll motto. My brain said "You're not on fire, stupid!" My body screamed "Shut the hell up, our nose, neck, finger, arm, and hand are burning with evil venom! Keep on rolling!" I did.
My head was buzzing, I was soaking wet, and my nose hurt so bad, I could hardly see. I stopped rolling and sat still, listening. No buzzing! My brain was gloating "See, it's gone, get up you wuss!" My body started to argue "Let me open up our scalp, and let it sting you 5 different times! Shut up and listen!" I did.
The only noise was the wack, wack, wack from the sprinkler, and my breathing. I opened my one eye and looked around. I couldn't see it. I managed to haul myself up off of the grass and wiped my face off.
My nostril was beginning to swell, and my face felt like molten lava was being poured on it. My finger was red and puffy, as was my hand. I couldn't see my neck or my arm but they were burning too.
I walked the rest of the way home, dripping wet, my right eye closed, sucking my finger, totally defeated. In my attempt to get in shape, and be healthy, I sabotaged my efforts to smell a flower.
As I approached my front lawn, I bent down and picked up a handful of dirt. I added some water, turning into a muddy paste, after which I packed it on my finger, neck, arm, and hand. I didn't try my nose, that would require something else. I unlocked the door, kicked off my wet shoes and peeled off my socks. I opened up the bathroom cupboard and pulled out a tampon. After soaking it with Polysporen, I gently pushed it in my right nostril. I stood back and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like I had been in a battle. My face was red and hot to the touch, my neck, arm, and hand were swollen and red as well. My middle finger, well it's my driving finger, I need it for signaling stupid drivers. It was throbbing. Best of all, I had a tampon halfway up my nose.
I went outside and sat at my patio table for a few minutes, trying to dry off. Tomorrow, I will not even turn onto that cul-de-sac. Tomorrow, I will not smell any flowers, tomorrow I will be saturated with insect repellent and I will be carrying Bee and Wasp spray.
Today, I sit, a little wet, and muddy, beat up, but not beat. Today, I sit with a tampon up my nose, today, I am victorious!
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