Sometimes Sorry Just Isn't Enough
What happens when you push a wonderful, kind, loving person too far? Like the branch of a mature tree, that person, that you love, will eventually snap.
I saw this first hand this past weekend, or rather, I was the cause of someone I love very dearly being hurt by my insensitivity. I will be the first to acknowledge that my tongue is sharper than any blade. It can, and has, on occasion, cut down to the core, different people over the years. I don't try to be hurtful, but sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. When that happens, nothing positive comes out of it.
On these occasions , I am left trying to retract what I have said, in an effort to apologize. Apologies aside, words and actions can't be taken back. Like the Internet, once the words have been spoken, they can't be deleted. They are "out there" forever, floating around in someone's memory, their own little hard drive.
Humans become heated, and passionate about certain situations. I do, anyway. Unfortunately, I don't always see all of the different shades of gray. Too many times,
I see only in black or white.
The inability to see the various other shades between the darkest black and the brightest white, isn't always wrong. It can mean you are decisive, and secure about your values and beliefs. It can also show you are secure in yourself, and you are true to yourself. Or, it can translate into being, stubborn, unfeeling, with little or no empathy for others. It can also show an unwillingness to listen to someone else 's opinion, or to compromise. I, of course like to believe, I am strong in my beliefs, and not just being a stubborn, hard headed jerk. Unfortunately, that is not always the case, and I am just that...a jerk.
After my tongue of fire has done it's damage, I reel it in, feeling for the briefest of moments vindicated. I stand on my proverbial high horse, frantically pacing back and forth, ranting in my head. I am too busy looking at my own indignation to notice how in 5 short minutes, the angry words that have slipped off my tongue like rain from a leaf, have hurt the other person. I am brutal. I was told that today. Immediately, my response was to open my mouth and say something more, but this time, I said nothing. Is there ever a reason to be so brutally honest with anyone? Do we have to knock them down so low that it takes them forever to recover? No. I don't think there is ever a reason for that kind of honesty. If the truth were turned onto me, could I handle such brutality? Probably not very well.
So, here I am, 3 days later. I hurt someone I love and care about. I hurt them deeply. I can see it in this person's eyes, in their carriage, and the responses I receive, when I speak.
Saying I'm sorry doesn't always make everything better. It's not a magic cure all for pain that has been caused. What happens when the words I'm sorry just aren't enough? How do you un-ring a bell? How do you take away the pain in your loved ones eyes that you are responsible for? You can't. Only time, God, and forgiveness on their part can erase it.
Even though, I know I was right about what I said, I know I wasn't right in how I said it. I, have no patience or tolerance for acting on impulse, or ignorance. If you don't know the facts, don't give your opinion. That drives me crazy! But, for me to give my unsolicited opinion on top of someone else's, makes me just as guilty and a hypocrite, to boot.
You can be right about everything, you can stand up on the highest mountain and yell it out for everyone to hear. However, while you're up there, on that mountain top, and, there's no one to share it with, its not much of a victory. Better to share some of the glory with the people you love and care for. After all, their victory is your victory.
I definitely have to work on my relationship skills, because sorry isn't always enough.
I saw this first hand this past weekend, or rather, I was the cause of someone I love very dearly being hurt by my insensitivity. I will be the first to acknowledge that my tongue is sharper than any blade. It can, and has, on occasion, cut down to the core, different people over the years. I don't try to be hurtful, but sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. When that happens, nothing positive comes out of it.
On these occasions , I am left trying to retract what I have said, in an effort to apologize. Apologies aside, words and actions can't be taken back. Like the Internet, once the words have been spoken, they can't be deleted. They are "out there" forever, floating around in someone's memory, their own little hard drive.
Humans become heated, and passionate about certain situations. I do, anyway. Unfortunately, I don't always see all of the different shades of gray. Too many times,
I see only in black or white.
The inability to see the various other shades between the darkest black and the brightest white, isn't always wrong. It can mean you are decisive, and secure about your values and beliefs. It can also show you are secure in yourself, and you are true to yourself. Or, it can translate into being, stubborn, unfeeling, with little or no empathy for others. It can also show an unwillingness to listen to someone else 's opinion, or to compromise. I, of course like to believe, I am strong in my beliefs, and not just being a stubborn, hard headed jerk. Unfortunately, that is not always the case, and I am just that...a jerk.
After my tongue of fire has done it's damage, I reel it in, feeling for the briefest of moments vindicated. I stand on my proverbial high horse, frantically pacing back and forth, ranting in my head. I am too busy looking at my own indignation to notice how in 5 short minutes, the angry words that have slipped off my tongue like rain from a leaf, have hurt the other person. I am brutal. I was told that today. Immediately, my response was to open my mouth and say something more, but this time, I said nothing. Is there ever a reason to be so brutally honest with anyone? Do we have to knock them down so low that it takes them forever to recover? No. I don't think there is ever a reason for that kind of honesty. If the truth were turned onto me, could I handle such brutality? Probably not very well.
So, here I am, 3 days later. I hurt someone I love and care about. I hurt them deeply. I can see it in this person's eyes, in their carriage, and the responses I receive, when I speak.
Saying I'm sorry doesn't always make everything better. It's not a magic cure all for pain that has been caused. What happens when the words I'm sorry just aren't enough? How do you un-ring a bell? How do you take away the pain in your loved ones eyes that you are responsible for? You can't. Only time, God, and forgiveness on their part can erase it.
Even though, I know I was right about what I said, I know I wasn't right in how I said it. I, have no patience or tolerance for acting on impulse, or ignorance. If you don't know the facts, don't give your opinion. That drives me crazy! But, for me to give my unsolicited opinion on top of someone else's, makes me just as guilty and a hypocrite, to boot.
You can be right about everything, you can stand up on the highest mountain and yell it out for everyone to hear. However, while you're up there, on that mountain top, and, there's no one to share it with, its not much of a victory. Better to share some of the glory with the people you love and care for. After all, their victory is your victory.
I definitely have to work on my relationship skills, because sorry isn't always enough.
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