Twenty Loooonnnng Minutes

     I am the proud new owner of an old exercise bicycle.   My mother-in-law gave it to me, to aid me in my attempt at getting into shape, and partly to get it out of her apartment.
     I was excited to see it sitting in my living room when I woke up yesterday morning.   Not, because it co-ordinated with my decor, because it doesn't.   I was pleased to get working out on it right away
     My husband and I are going on a Caribbean cruise, for New Years, and I really want to be 2 sizes slimmer by then.  This bicycle, will be my tool!
      I sat on it, feeling that old familiar feel of the seat against my bum, and began pedalling.   Woah, it sounded like a freight train chugging through my living room.   I was horrified, so, my husband,  performed his magic and tweaked this and that.  Voila, no more freight train.  Yahoo!  I couldn't wait to get started.
    Later, my daughter was over, with my grandson.   He climbed right onto my bicycle,  and stood up on the chain guard, both hands on the handlebars, making vrooming noises.  He too, could feel the power!  I lifted him up, put him on my lap and began pedalling.   He was roaring,  what great entertainment.   He was bouncing around on my lap, more than a stow-a-way hiding in the hull of a ship!
     I had it all planned out.  Four reps of 20 minutes, with 20 minutes in between to recover and do some chores around my house.
     After my husband left for work, I grabbed my water, put on my shoes, turned on the television and started pedalling.   I kept the tension moderate and pedalled at a steady 13 mph.  It was a good speed, my heart was pumping, my blood was flowing, and I felt great.  I felt like the leader in the Tour de France,  making my way through the rolling hills of the french country side!
      I was beginning to get a bit winded, so I slowed my pace down to 10 mph.  I was feeling good, as I looked at the clock.  Five minutes?   That's it?  I was sure I had been going for at least 10 minutes.  Truth be told, it felt like 20!
     My legs were burning and my bum was beginning to hurt from the bicycle seat.  I eased the tension a little, and slowed down to about 7 mph.  I was feeling OK.
     After 10 minutes,  I couldn't feel my legs, and I needed water.  I reached for my bottle and almost tipped myself and the bicycle over.  I don't recall ever feeling that unbalanced on a stationary bike before.  I slowed down to 4 mph.  I felt drained.
     By 15 minutes, I was certain I was beginning to hallucinate, and I had to will my legs to keep pumping those damn pedals.  I felt like puking.
     I had 3 more minutes to go.  Just 3.  I kept watching the clock, did it stop?  I slowed down, hell, the speedometer couldn't register my speed, or lack of it.  I was sure I could hear the angels calling my name.  Water!  I need water!
     I had 2 minutes more before I could stop this madness.  My legs, who am I kidding,  I could no longer feel them.  The pedals were falling down, at the top of every revolution my foot made.  I felt, I was on the presapess of death.
     I couldn't see the clock.  Everything was blurry.   My hands were pushing on my thighs to make them move.  The timer on my phone started to beep.  Hallelujah      Anyone?  Someone?  I saw my cat Bella, I called her name.  She gave me a you got yourself on there, you get yourself off there look.  I was on my own.
      I dropped my foot off one of the pedals, but I couldn't find the floor.   Funny, my feet trip on the same floor at least once a day.  Feeling around like a clumsy ballerina, I finally found it.  I crawled my body off  the bicycle,  and leaned prostate across the stool.
     I managed to stand up, but my bum felt like I was wearing a thong made from cement.   It was like a phantom wedgie.   I looked at the clock,  15 minutes had past since my phone alarm had gone off.  How was that even possible?
     I refilled my water bottle,  and reset my phone.  Begrudgingly,  I climbed back up on that bicycle.   Happily, I climbed back off.  My backside was complaining loudly, and I could sense my sphincter was planning a coup d' ètat!  Nope, not going to happen today.  Twenty minutes was all the action that bike was seeing from me today.
     I used to ride my bike 10 miles every morning before I was married.   Now, I was lucky to get 5 without collapsing.
     This morning,  I climbed back on the bike, my bum was still not speaking to me after yesterdays ordeal, and my legs were sore.  They weren't much better than yesterday.  I told them to "Shut up!"
     In the words on Queen, I will get on my bike and ride.



   
   
   

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