A Peanut Butter and Squirrel Sandwich
Yesterday was hot, so hot, the radio announcer said a heat warning was in effect. Everyday, for me is a heat warning, but surprisingly, today is not about my hot flashes.
I had returned home from my usual evening routine of taking my husband dinner. I walked in the house, called my friend Char, then ate my dinner. It was about 8:30, when we ended our conversation. I stood up to get a drink, when I noticed my cat Torro sitting on the hood of my SUV.
Hot, and exhausted from a busy day, the last thing I wanted was to chase him around! I opened up my front door, and called to Torro to get off my car. Of course, he turned and looked at me for the briefest of moments, then turned his head and looked in the windshield of my car.
I assumed a fly had captured his attention, so groaning, I hobbled down the steps and walked toward my car. I could see movement inside, when I realized my sun roof was wide open. "Oh crap, there's a bird in my car!" I turned around and this time, ran up the steps to get my car keys. After fishing through my purse twice, I finally located them. Once again, I opened the front door, to see Torro standing on the hood of my car, with his front paws frantically scratching at the windshield. I picked him up, chastising him about leaving the birds alone.
As I turned around, he jumped back onto my car. I decided it wasn't worth the fight, so I left him where he was. I unlocked my car, and opened the drivers door.
My car was not inhabited by a bird as I first thought. Inside my lovely car, with leather upholstery was a squirrel. He was on the headrest of the back passenger seat, clucking at me, and flicking his tail. At this point, I remembered something my friend Donna had said to me a few weeks ago, after Torro had locked me out of my house. She said " When I read your blog, and you saw a dish on the patio table, so you decided to grab it quickly, I was saying no, no don't do it!" I froze, remembering those words of wisdom. "Donna's right, I said to myself, I will just walk away. Afterall, the squirrel jumped in there, it can get out." However, Torro was probably keeping it from leaving. I picked him up and put him in the house. I stood on the steps and waited, and waited. It didn't budge. "Oh great, now what do I do?" I definitely wasn't calling my husband!
Peanuts! I had some peanuts, squirrels love peanuts. I poured out the few remaining nuts that were left in the bag into my hand. I threw them into the back seat. The squirrel began chattering really quickly, different than before and it's tail was really twitching rather rapidly at this point. I had a feeling it was going to jump at me so I stopped throwing nuts and stepped back.
Clearly, that didn't work as planned. Now what? Peanut butter! I ran to the kitchen, pulled out a slice of bread, and unscrewed the peanut butter. It was all gone! I scraped that jar, and spread that piece of bread with the remaining peanut butter. Back out to the car I went. The squirrel was nowhere to be seen. Hooray! I threw the bread down, sat in the car, and turned the key far enough to close the sun roof. Scratching noises! I looked in the rear view mirror, and there, on the back drivers side was the squirrel, mouth open, screeching at me, tail straight up in the air. I'm not sure of squirrel body language, but if I was placing a wager, my bet would be it was about to jump on the back of my head.
Things happened quickly after this. I have never had any combat training, or maneuvers, so the sequence of events that followed, I believe was purely the will to survive! I tucked my head, and rolled out the drivers door, onto the grass, which was not nearly as graceful as I would like. I have a running board under my doors which caught the tie in my shirt, choking me on the way down. I had to roll back the other way to detach myself from being strangled. I managed to get my tie out from between the running boards and came face to face with the squirrel! I had no time to react, it jumped out of my car, over top of my bent body and ran for the bread.
I jumped up in time to see the squirrel tripping over the bread, but thankully going in the opposite direction as me.
Two ladies were standing at the foot of my driveway, both, with horrified expressions on their faces. One of the ladies ran up to me and asked if I was alright. I said one word. Just one little word. Squirrel! They remarked how they had never seen anything like that, and I was in complete agreement.
I closed my sun roof, and checked to make sure I didn't have anymore stowaways. After locking the car door, I walked back in the house.
Torro wanted out, so I obliged. Somewhere, outside was a squirrel enjoying a peanut butter sandwich.
I had returned home from my usual evening routine of taking my husband dinner. I walked in the house, called my friend Char, then ate my dinner. It was about 8:30, when we ended our conversation. I stood up to get a drink, when I noticed my cat Torro sitting on the hood of my SUV.
Hot, and exhausted from a busy day, the last thing I wanted was to chase him around! I opened up my front door, and called to Torro to get off my car. Of course, he turned and looked at me for the briefest of moments, then turned his head and looked in the windshield of my car.
I assumed a fly had captured his attention, so groaning, I hobbled down the steps and walked toward my car. I could see movement inside, when I realized my sun roof was wide open. "Oh crap, there's a bird in my car!" I turned around and this time, ran up the steps to get my car keys. After fishing through my purse twice, I finally located them. Once again, I opened the front door, to see Torro standing on the hood of my car, with his front paws frantically scratching at the windshield. I picked him up, chastising him about leaving the birds alone.
As I turned around, he jumped back onto my car. I decided it wasn't worth the fight, so I left him where he was. I unlocked my car, and opened the drivers door.
My car was not inhabited by a bird as I first thought. Inside my lovely car, with leather upholstery was a squirrel. He was on the headrest of the back passenger seat, clucking at me, and flicking his tail. At this point, I remembered something my friend Donna had said to me a few weeks ago, after Torro had locked me out of my house. She said " When I read your blog, and you saw a dish on the patio table, so you decided to grab it quickly, I was saying no, no don't do it!" I froze, remembering those words of wisdom. "Donna's right, I said to myself, I will just walk away. Afterall, the squirrel jumped in there, it can get out." However, Torro was probably keeping it from leaving. I picked him up and put him in the house. I stood on the steps and waited, and waited. It didn't budge. "Oh great, now what do I do?" I definitely wasn't calling my husband!
Peanuts! I had some peanuts, squirrels love peanuts. I poured out the few remaining nuts that were left in the bag into my hand. I threw them into the back seat. The squirrel began chattering really quickly, different than before and it's tail was really twitching rather rapidly at this point. I had a feeling it was going to jump at me so I stopped throwing nuts and stepped back.
Clearly, that didn't work as planned. Now what? Peanut butter! I ran to the kitchen, pulled out a slice of bread, and unscrewed the peanut butter. It was all gone! I scraped that jar, and spread that piece of bread with the remaining peanut butter. Back out to the car I went. The squirrel was nowhere to be seen. Hooray! I threw the bread down, sat in the car, and turned the key far enough to close the sun roof. Scratching noises! I looked in the rear view mirror, and there, on the back drivers side was the squirrel, mouth open, screeching at me, tail straight up in the air. I'm not sure of squirrel body language, but if I was placing a wager, my bet would be it was about to jump on the back of my head.
Things happened quickly after this. I have never had any combat training, or maneuvers, so the sequence of events that followed, I believe was purely the will to survive! I tucked my head, and rolled out the drivers door, onto the grass, which was not nearly as graceful as I would like. I have a running board under my doors which caught the tie in my shirt, choking me on the way down. I had to roll back the other way to detach myself from being strangled. I managed to get my tie out from between the running boards and came face to face with the squirrel! I had no time to react, it jumped out of my car, over top of my bent body and ran for the bread.
I jumped up in time to see the squirrel tripping over the bread, but thankully going in the opposite direction as me.
Two ladies were standing at the foot of my driveway, both, with horrified expressions on their faces. One of the ladies ran up to me and asked if I was alright. I said one word. Just one little word. Squirrel! They remarked how they had never seen anything like that, and I was in complete agreement.
I closed my sun roof, and checked to make sure I didn't have anymore stowaways. After locking the car door, I walked back in the house.
Torro wanted out, so I obliged. Somewhere, outside was a squirrel enjoying a peanut butter sandwich.
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